Faith No More

I am an atheist. When I am asked for my religious views, I answer "none", since atheism is not a religion. I offer my thoughts and support in the face of tragedy, and of course my practical help, but no prayers, since I don't pray and wouldn't lie about something like that. A couple of weeks ago, I officially joined the ranks of the ever-growing number of atheists in Germany, consisting partly of those who just want to evade the official church tax, and some who are really atheists. I probably was the only atheist, who was still an official member of a church, even though I hadn't been there in forever. Probably the most difficult thing about being an atheist was telling my family; my mom, however, made it easy for me when she asked me whether I would join them for the holiday service, already anticipating my answer.

My journey to become an atheist was not an easy one. This may sound weird, but I have quite a religious career behind me. Born and raised a German Lutheran, I experimented with a few cultist rituals as a teenager, just to become a Jesus Freak a couple of years later. This phase I also outgrew, and started to seriously think about the meaning of life. A former friend of mine, who was an atheist back then, once told me bluntly: when I die, I'll be gone rotting in the ground. That's it. For me, reading my way through Far Eastern mythology and Buddhist philosophy at that point, was just not ready for what I have now come to understand to be the truth. My truth at least, since as a tolerant being, I accept everyone else's truth as well, as long as they accept mine. This is called respect, and when it comes to religion, or the lack thereof, respect is often the least on people's minds. This is the reason why I really enjoyed the atmosphere at our Atheist/Agnostic parent group. Even though we had the common interest of raising our kids to become informed adults, we had many different view points within the group that everyone respected. The discussions, if they turned to religion, were always respectful and interesting.

Why I abandoned religion? Easy to explain: first of all I have learned that believing in a god or gods is simply not inside me. I tried, oh yes, I did, but there's still nothing. Then, there's the fact that most religion out there right now has more to do with controlling its members and amassing wealth than actually living according to the rules. Prime example: the Pope. He calls himself Peter's successor, God's voice on earth, and millions listen.. This man lives in a palace in his own little state, wears only the best robes and tons of jewelry. He has an entourage and a standing Army (even if it's only the Swiss Guard). What do you think would happen if Jesus showed up here tomorrow? I'd say Temple Scene 2.0!! Yes, I actually read the book, that's why I know what I'm talking about. I like Jesus' message, minus the "Son of God" part. It's about peace and tolerance, coexistence and support. I think Jesus would jump down a cliff the very moment he realizes how many people died in his name. And I'm sure the same applies to many other religions. Their worshippers today have distanced themselves so far from the roots and adapted rules and rituals to fit their needs rather than stopping, reading up on the issue again, and really asking themselves "WWJD" ("WWMD", "WWAD", or "WW*insert applicable deity here*D"; if it's Kali, killing and pillaging would actually be the right answer!).

I simply had to get this off my chest. I am not a bad person just because I don't believe in religion. I try to be the best person I can without expecting any reward for it in another life, I just hope to be remembered as the person I was by my children. I am tolerant and gladly grant others' their own point of view without belittling them for it; and all I ask in return is the same courtesy. No-one will ever be able to "convert" me, because, as I mentioned before, religion is just not inside me. Still I am still a happy person, living my life to the fullest, since this life is all I have. The only support I need comes from my wonderful hubby, who is an atheist enjoying science documentaries just like I do. We plan on raising our daughters to be independent, conscious individuals, who look for answers in themselves and not to what other people tell them. This is often not the easiest way, but at the end of the day, it's the only way that makes us truly happy.

Tasty Tuesday: Richard's More Than Awesome Tomato Sauce

Today's Tasty Tuesday is all about comfort food. I think I'm in the mood for that after cuddling our 3-month old baby to sleep this evening. The recipe for this tomato sauce is for me the epitome of comfort food: it's easy to make, I usually have all the ingredients at home, and it has lots of room for creativity; the only caveat: it takes about 6-8 hours of cooking time. Yes, my dear readers, it's crock pot time!

The story of this recipe begins long before my time sometime in Richard's childhood. When he was little, his mom sometimes cooked a jar of tomato sauce all day to improve the taste. After Richard left home and joined the Army, he decided at some point to take it a step further and make the sauce from scrap, using mostly canned items from his bachelor pantry. A couple of year later, I come in the picture and fall in love not only with the man, but also with this recipe. During the last 4 years we have been experimenting with this recipe and shared it many a time with friends and family. There are too many good times and stories connected with this tomato sauce; it is the perfect food for a larger round and entertaining, therefore we served it a lot on Fridays for our D&D group, and as some of you may know, those days were always fun and I still miss it. Here's the recipe, with fond memories and a sad heart:

Own a crock pot!!

Fill the crock pot with:

4 cartons of tomato puree (you can also use 2 cans each of whole tomatoes and tomato paste)

and whatever else you like! We usually use:

1 jar of artichoke hearts
1-2 cans of small black olives
1 pack of Italian sausage, cooked and crumbled
1 jar of sun-dried tomatoes
1-2 cans of mushrooms

Cook everything on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 4-6 hours (I strongly recommend the longer cooking time). Enjoy with a lot of friends on pasta with cheese and crusty bread; a glass or two of a good red wine also work well with it.

There Are Moments In Life..

"There are moments in life that can't be described in words; you have to feel them." This quote I read on a birth announcement earlier today when I went through some of my grandma's stuff. I don't know why, but this quote hit something inside me, because it is one of these fundamental truths of life. Emotions are way too complex most of the time to be described in such limited terms as words; even non-verbal signs like tears often say a lot more than a thousand words ever could. How could one ever describe the feeling of looking into one's newborn baby's eyes for the first time? I could easily describe how I felt when I got the positive pregnancy tests, and even when I first saw my girls on the ultrasound of holding our oldest daughter right after she was born (she was way too busy making her displeasure known by screaming for 90 minutes straight to stop for a second to look around). But the moment when I first looked into each of my daughter's eyes, and our eyes locked for this moment that both passes so quickly but still seems to last an eternity, the moment you form this lasting bond that cannot be torn by any force in the world, this moment will never be described in words.

There are more moments like it. I've seen many, and went through some myself, hoping never to have to go through others. I remember seeing the depth of grief and disbelief in the eyes of my former boss at the wake of her husband's funeral; I saw that she was at a far away place, her personal hell, and for a moment was there with her. Thinking about it still brings tears in my eyes; that night I made my husband promise never to leave me, since I never want to be at this place. I know, it ultimately won't be in our power to decide, since at the same time I couldn't leave peacefully knowing that I will send him to this place. I'd rather think of the moment at our wedding, when our lives were forged together forever. Even though we've never made these official vows you've seen a thousand times on TV and most weddings you've ever attended (we had a civil ceremony where we were only asked if we wanted to take the other partner as husband/wife). The whole ceremony felt so unreal, but when we exchanged our rings, looking in each others, our hearts and souls (if something like it exists) merged into one. No matter what would happen from then on, we would always be together, go through happy and desperate times together and emerge stronger from every challenge. I knew that no matter what, I had never loved a man like him, and never would ever again.

Our eyes truly are mirrors to our deepest and most hidden selves. One can hide emotions by putting on a mask so easily, and most people won't even notice it's a mask. But your loved ones won't look you in the face but right into your eyes and through them to the real you. I sometimes can feel this happen; it is the reason why I sometimes have problems looking people directly in the eye. I feel naked and vulnerable, revealing myself like it, but with some people, just sitting and looking into each others' eyes is the most comforting thing in the world. It is healing and revitalizing, and once again, cannot be described in words. As a linguist and writer by passion I gladly admit: words have their very distinct limits, but your thoughts, emotions, and dreams are truly free.

I Do It My Way

Today was once again one of these days full of revelations about myself. I have become a person many people from 10 years ago wouldn't recognize any more, not only did I change physically, but even more dramatically my personality. Somehow, I have become a creature of opposites, which even I can't understand sometimes. Nowadays, people seem to be so obsessed with labels and definition that they forget, that it's the contradictions in themselves that make a person interesting. Why would someone care to sit down and really try to get to know a person, when one would know everything just by a label. I wonder:

1. Why does society tell me I can't work 8 hours a day AND be a full-time mom?
2. Why does it not work being all business AND domestic?
3. Why can't I be a good wife AND tell my hubby on occasion that I watch Gerard Butler movies, no matter how bad, because they fuel my brain porn (still prefer 300 over anything, guess why)?
4. Why can I not be a traditional woman AND push to break the corset of stereotypes? (actually, had not a certain pregnancy come in the way, you would be able to see me walking to work in a corset under my business suit!)
5. Why can I not be the all-planning perfectionist AND spontaneous enough to make life-changing decisions in a heartbeat just because my guts tells me?

Indeed, I live to be different, always have been, always will be. I've never fit a mold, and over time have learned not to strive to fit in one. This is one of the most important lessons I want to teach to my daughters. Just because society tells you that you have to be the one or the other, but not both does not mean that you actually can't. At times I am able to still surprise myself, even though I'm used to a lot, knowing myself for the past 26 years. Just go ahead and take the time to experience yourself at times, and see how you can surprise yourself!

Back To Basics

As a family of four, we’re always busy and on the go, taking advantage of every amenity of modern life. Right now, we’re living at my grandmother’s house after moving back to Germany from the US, where we’ve lived for the last four years, while we’re waiting for our apartment getting ready for move-in. Living in an old house (it was build in 1952 by my great-grandfather after returning from a Soviet POW camp in Czechoslovakia), a lot of things are different. One thing we soon found out was that my grandmother doesn’t own a dryer. Not that dryers are uncommon in Germany, everyone has one, at least that’s what I thought. My grandmother still has several racks to hang her clothes up to dry. So far, we’ve simply taken our laundry to my mom’s house after washing it, but with me working and my husband sick as a dog, we’ve used the drying racks for a couple of loads of laundry this week. I can tell you, the laundry feels completely different, and somehow I think the clothes are less wrinkly. Hanging up another load of laundry today I mused, if this could even be an experiment for our family. While my original plan was to dive back into the pool of modern gadgets, I now wonder if it would be worth a try to do without. I bet Richard will have his “why this now”-look on his face if I decide to talk to him about it. Doing without would definitely have a lot of advantages. Most of all: saving on the energy bill. Mostly, I need to runs to really get the laundry dry enough to fold the clothes and put them away, with about 4-6 loads a week, this may lead to quite some more money in the wallet, depending on the energy level of the appliance. Sun, in contrast to electricity, is free after all. Another advantage of going dryer-free would be the positive impact on the environment. And with the entire attic just for our use, it could even work. The major disadvantage, however, is the time factor. While I can rely on being able to have a certain piece of clothes ready for wear within about 1.5 hours, with line-drying it will take a lot longer. Proper planning and doing the laundry before we run out of clothes will be essential in the case. I also wonder how the attic will work for drying our clothes in winter. It would be quite a surprise to find a rack of frozen clothes one morning, and I really don’t want my house full of drying laundry all winter long. Also, just the idea of voluntarily doing without a gadget, that was so naturally part of my household is somehow weird, hard to describe. Maybe I have just become very inspired by the No-Impact Man, a New York city guy, who decided to go on the journey of living a year with nearly no impact on the environment. It is definitely a very interesting documentary, even if I would never go as far as he went. But maybe, going without a dryer, even if it’s only for the summer, could be a little step to a greener life.

If anyone of my readers has experience in the subject matter or any advice, I’d appreciate your input. Now it’s time for me to head to bed and ponder some more before I decide whether or not to bring the issue before the hubby.

Tasty Tuesday Revived

On today's menu: Lactation Cookies

This is actually a weird one, because I've never made them before. When I thought about posting this and what I could present, I was just reading through a bunch of Facebook posts, among others by Sara and Shannon from our Atheist/Agnostic Parent Group back in Washington. I remembered meeting for a group brunch at Daniela's house and finding out we were all due within only a month of each other. We haven't been to any meetings for quite a while at that point, so no-one knew that we were expecting as well. We spend quite some time sitting together and talking about the pregnancies and how we planned our deliveries. We all had less-than-perfect birth experiences with our first babies; we all were induced in the hospital and had epidurals. Now, we all were under the care of a midwife and planned all-natural births at a birth center (guess what, we all succeeded!). A few months later, with two babies already born (even though Violet was baby no. 2 on the list she was born first, followed by little Miss Vera only 5 days later; Malcolm was born a little more than a month later), we all met again for a brunch, this time at Rachelle and Chris's home. Even though we didn't spend much time together I can't say enough how much this camaraderie during those months meant to me. It was great just to sit together and talk about our kids and the little ones soon to be born. Shortly after Vera was born, Sara posted this recipe for Shannon and me, and a few others.

Here it is:

Ingredients

1 c butter
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
4 T water
2 T flaxseed meal (no substitutions)
2 large eggs
1 t vanilla
2 c flour
2 T Brewer's (nutritional) yeast (no substitutions)
1 t baking soda
1 t salt
3 c thick cut oats
1 c chocolate chips

Preparation

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Mix 2 T. flaxseed meal and 4 T. water, set aside 3-5 minutes.
Cream butter and sugars.
Add eggs.
Stir flaxseed mix into butter mix and add vanilla.
Beat until well blended.
Sift (or not): dry ingredients, except oats and chocolate chips.
Add butter mix to dry ingredients. (or vice versa)
Stir in the oats and then the chocolate chips.
Drop on parchment paper on baking sheet (or just spray Pam on the baking sheet)
Bake 8 - 12 minutes.

Believe me, I baked plenty during the 2 months at home after Violet was born (among others also regular chocolate chip oatmeal cookies), but never managed to try the above recipe due to a lack of flaxseed meal and brewer's yeast. But it's still time, and once the heatwave is over here, everything's possible. May we all have the long and successful nursing-relationship with our little ones!

Hiatus Break: My First Article On Adventures in {Baby} Food

As you all might have noticed by now, my blog is on involuntary hiatus due to weird living conditions. I don't know how it is with you, but I am all about atmosphere when it comes to writing. I used to stay up after Richard went to bed, sit on our comfy couch with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, and recap the day. Now, our computer sits in my grandfathers former workshop, which is not quite the environment I need to relax and be creative.

Anyways, this is just as a little break from this hiatus and to let you all know that we're doing alright. As soon as we have moved to our new apartment by the end of the month or early next month, the blog will continue as usual. As of now, I would like to share an article with you that I wrote for Adventures in {Baby} Food, an awesome website I am writing for. Please check it out for yummy recipes, advice on many topics around baby and children, as well as great give-aways.

Here's my article on relieving gas in young infants, beyond your gas-relief drops.

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I can imagine that most of you parents dealt with this at one point: a bubbly baby wiggling around and wailing in pain, trying to get the nasty gas out, followed by a few relieving pooties and maybe a poop. I dealt with gas with both of my daughters. For our older daughter, we turned to gas relief drops from the local retailers once she hit the 2-months mark, for lack of further options. Now, with our second daughter, our wonderful midwife helped us analyzing the issue and using more natural ways to relief our daughter from her gas pains.

The first, and probably easiest way, is for your moms to analyze your own diet, in case you’re breastfeeding. I spent a few nights walking my daughter around the apartment, trying to offer some relief. Soon, our midwife suggested cutting all milk and milk products from my diet. This was hard at first, but soon found valid alternatives. Milk hypersensitivity is one of the main reasons for gas in newborns, which does not mean that your baby will be lactose-intolerant. The protein in cow milk, which can be found in human breast milk, can just be too complex for baby’s immature digestive tract to deal with. Further common hypersensitivities include soy, coffee, and very acidic foods.

In case changing your own diet does not help, your choice of natural remnants is considerable. Brewing a serving or two of fennel tea each day helps to reduce gas in your baby’s tummy and also soothe her digestive tract. Kidsorganics recommends making this tea yourself “by taking a small handful of fennel seeds, placing in a tea diffuser, and steeping for at least 5 minutes in a cup or pot of hot water”. Please only give your baby a few drops of this tea, because it also acts as a mild diuretic and could cause dehydration if given too many servings. You can also look for soluble fennel or well-tummy/anti-gas tea in your baby food aisle.

Another remedy for gas in young infants is homeopathic chamomile pearls. They are easy to dose (just place one or two pearls in your baby’s cheek once or twice a day) and can provide instant relief for your little one. Chamomile pearls are all-natural pain relievers and can also be used for teething. If this sounds like your option, please consult a naturalistic doctor in your area before giving it to your baby!

One last natural gas relief remedy for your baby, which is 100% without side effects and can also cure other digestive issues such as constipation, is all-natural caraway seed ointment. Just rub a tiny amount on your baby’s tummy in the morning after the first diaper change and at night after bath. The massage, along with the essential oils, helps relaxing your baby and has a positive impact on her overall digestion.

Most of the remedies described above can be purchased fairly inexpensively in your health food store, the baby food aisle at your local retailer, or over the internet, for example at Zooscape. As with all medications, please consult your pediatrician or naturalistic doctor before starting your wee one on a regiment.