Lily's Birth Story - Part 4

The last three days I wrote about the days leading up to our personal D-day, the day we would finally welcome our little baby into this world. At this point, I had been in labor since Thursday morning around 1:30 am and now, it was

Saturday, February 2, 2008

I had called the nurses at the delivery ward at IACH in Ft. Riley 3 times, and each time the refused to let me come in, telling me I wasn't even close yet. We've been timing contractions since about 9 pm Friday evening, and I did my best to deal with the contractions just allowing my body and nature take over. Around 2 am I asked Richard to call in again, because I was sick of them telling me to sit down and relax. I had the suspicion that they would not let me come in as long as I was able to call them by myself, and, what a surprise, when Richard called in, they asked him to take me to the hospital. We packed the final things for our bag, grabbed the rent check which we still needed to take to the office and headed out for the hospital. Richard had to stop twice during the 25-minute drive for me to move around during a contraction. When we finally arrived I walked up to the delivery ward (you will never see me being wheeled around in a wheel chair!!), where they put me on the scales, took my blood pressure and whisked me in one of the exam rooms while Richard finished the paperwork. The midwife on duty came in and checked me for dilation; luckily, I was at 5cm at this point and admitted. When she asked me to get up to be taken to the delivery suite, I saw all the blood on her gloves and on my legs; I was shocked, but the midwife assured me that everything was fine. Richard and I settled in our room that we entered as a two-some and would leave as a family of three. I tried to read, bounced on the birthing ball, and just tried to get my mind off the painful contractions. I was planning a natural birth, so I did not request an epidural at this point. The night nurse stopped by a couple of times, rubbed my back and smuggled in some orange juice. I was not allowed anything but ice chips but started to shake from low blood sugar levels since I had not eaten since dinner, and then only a little bit of mixed vegetables.

The midwife and my OB also came to check; around 7 am the midwife decided to break my water to speed up progress. I also got my second IV since the first one had clogged. When another hour and a half later I had only progressed to 7 cm, the OB ordered me to be hooked up to pitocin to speed up the delivery. Then he popped the "P"-word, I responded with my "E"-word and asked for an epidural. About 30 minutes later the anesthesiologist arrived and administered  the tube in my spine. The meds started to flow in my back and my veins, and the pain was gone. I was at the end of my strength and fell asleep. I remember the nurses coming in every once in a while to adjusted the baby monitor that was strapped around my belly. At some point, a new nurse showed up and checked me for progress. I was still more or less asleep when she finally became nervous and called for the OB to come immediately because I had unconsciously started to birth my baby; her head was almost out of my uterus. A leisurely 20 minutes later the OB appeared, exclaiming an "oh gosh, the head is REALLY on the way out!!" and prepared everything for the birth. I asked the nurses to switch off the epidural since I wanted to feel the birth but I was told that it was too late for that. They had pumped me so full of medication that I didn't feel a single contraction or the urge to push.

The nurse coached me when to push and when to stop based on the labor monitor, and only 2 pushes in I heard a loud and protesting cry. It took me 2 more pushes to bring our baby into this world. They told me it was a girl.. "We have a daughter", I told Richard, who had been holding my hand all this time. A daughter we had.. and she was so angry. She had all the right to be; my stubbornness had caused an extended prodromal labor and unnecessary stress on her. We tried to nurse, but she would not stop crying. At some point they took her away from me to bathe her and administered the usual Vitamin K-shot and eye ointment.

They put her under the infra-red warmer. She finally calmed down, and I felt so helpless. There she was, my little baby, our daughter, my love.. This little, skinny baby, who carried a piece of my heart inside her. From this point on, all I wanted was to do better, to give her everything she deserved and more. To show her the love I felt for her.

Five years have passed since this day, and still I cry as I write these words. I regret the way she entered this world, but there is nothing I can do to change it. She is now a wonderful, little girl, whose smile brightens the world. She's sassy, independent, and clever... oh dear, does she amaze us sometimes. I am still working on my promise I gave her 5 years ago. When I cuddled her to sleep tonight, holding her in my arms and feeling her peaceful breathing, I know that I have made up for our struggles back then. I love you, Lily, my life!!

Welcome, my Love!

My Promise To My Daughters

I have recently read an article on a parenting website about judgmental sentiments in the mommy blogosphere. Reading the arguments the author gives for her sentiments, I have to say, I completely disagree with her. From the moment a woman decides to get pregnant, or to continue an unplanned pregnancy, she enters a kind of unwritten contract with her baby to protect him/her from harm during pregnancy and beyond. From this point on, she shares her body for many months, first to help the little one develop, then to nourish him/her; at least that's how it should be. Thinking about this article, I compiled a list of promises I have made to my daughters as soon as I was aware of their tiny existence at 6 weeks and 10 weeks pregnant, respectively.

I promise to do everything in the world to provide you with a safe environment to grow. I will avoid any harmful substance and dangerous situations in order to allow you to develop and prosper until it is time to meet you in person. I admit that while I was a model pregnant woman with Lily (sans the exercise, because I was much too busy to squeeze that in, and I was on my feet a lot at work), I had slips while pregnant with Violet. Nothing bad like alcohol or cigarettes, but during those last few weeks of pregnancy I just couldn't help but drinking my morning joe most days to counteract the effect of the general fatigue of late-term pregnancy.

I promise to educate myself and do my best to achieve a successful low-intervention and drug-free birth. It is common knowledge that vaginal births with as little drugs as possible are best for both mother and baby. This article covers some of the major disadvantages of c-sections over vaginal births. In this category I was more successful with Violet. Due to emotional issues I had extensive and painful prodromal labor with Lily, and after nearly 56 hours of labor and little progress the doctor at the Army hospital decided to put me on pitocin and an epidural to allow me to rest. The drugs made me so numb I did not feel a thing and the nurses had to coach me through the pushing phase. The result was a major tear and many stitches; how many I've never been told. Lily was born screaming, and she wouldn't stop for about 1.5 hours. After about 30 minutes the nurses took her away from me, washed her and put her under a heating lamp. I admit, even though I read a lot, I was not informed enough (and definitely too drugged) to intervene. It took me more than 2 months to fully recover and heal from this birth. My birth with Violet was a completely different story. After the negative experience at Irwin Army Community Hospital in Fort Riley I opted for a birth center this time around. After only about 14 hours of labor we welcomed little Violet into this world. It was peaceful and serene. Violet only squeaked twice before opening her eyes widely and looking around. She nursed right away and we were released home from Eastside Birth Center after only a couple of hours.

I promise to provide you with the best nourishment available. I am aware, that breastfeeding is not an option for everyone. There are people who depend on medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding, and a few women simply don't produce enough milk for their babies. Unless a woman is in one of the two categories, there is no valid reason NOT to breastfeed. I cannot understand women who simply choose not to breastfeed. Why would anyone opt for suboptimal food for their children in those important first months of life. Studies prove that breastfed children are smarter and healthier than their formula-fed peers. I see a lot that women argue that they cannot breastfeed their children because they work. As a working mother myself I like to disagree. When Lily was 8 weeks old I returned to work part-time, when she was 5 months old I started working full-time. I nursed her for 15 months. Was it always easy? No. I spent most of my lunch break pumping, leaving me no time to go out to lunch with co-workers or to work out; but these were sacrifices I made gladly for the well-being of our daughter, and I am not the only mother in my circle of friends who managed to nurse while working full-time. I am currently nursing Violet and plan on doing it until she decides that it is enough, just as Lily did.

I promise to do everything possible to provide you with a safe and happy childhood. I will give you all the love I have, and even though I am not a perfect parent (who is?), I will make decisions to the best of my knowledge and conscience in order to give you the best possible start into our life.

This is to our daughters Lily and Violet, who we love beyond words, who are the center of our lives and the reason for us to try being the best parents we can be. Daddy and Mami love you!