Week In Review - Ten Things Of Thankful (7)

After this week, I really, really contemplated to make a sacastic list. But to be honest, this recap of last week is way too precious for me to be spoiled with some of the negative things that have happened last week. So, here are once again ten things I am thankful for this week:

1. The hubby. I know, I mentioned him last week, and actually, being thankful for him and our girls is a given for me all the time, I have the need to mention him again this week. He has been such a wonderful support after my less-than-pleasant conversation with my coworker on Thursday.

2. All the wonderful people who have offered their support throughout the week!

3. My boss being back. Certain colleagues do not act out any more and I actually can focus and get work done.

4. My coworker bringing me his second copy of the 2014 IKEA catalog. I am such a crazy IKEA fan, and with moving into a new house sometimes between December and February (hopefully), we'll need new stuff. IKEA, here we come!!

5. Hubby's final visa arriving this week. No more making sure we don't miss a deadline, now he's with us for good!

6. A postcard arriving from Australia

7. The library at my work.

8. The good feeling of helping others.

9. Red wine

10. Cuddly girls in my bed in the mornings

Thank you so much for hosting, Lizzi!!

Not Feeling Scottian At All

Do you know the Wakefield Doctrine? It's the theory of the clarks, scotts, and rogers. If you don't know it, you should check it out, it's really interesting, and they are just setting up a test to make it easier to find out which type you are, the thinker, the doer, or the feeler (are those words??).

Well, in a preliminary test, I was named a scott. I read up about it, being slightly confused because I remembered that I couldn't decide between a roger and a clark when I just read the types. I'm NOT a scott, I'm not an alpha-girl, I am not a leader, and I am definitely not the center of the party (unless I'm drunk out of my senses and puke like you wouldn't believe!). This is what happened today that makes me feel even less like a scott:

I was out in town during my lunch break to get a couple of things I need this weekend. I wait at the check-out, already kid of late-ish getting back into the office. As I stand there, keeping my polite distance from the person in front of me (and my incredibly large personal space uncluttered with other people and stuff), a lady just sails in from the other side and gets right in front of me. EXCUSE ME (I think), but just suck it up, building some anger against this unthoughtful lady, who doesn't look left or right to recognize the end of the line. Just as she is done, yet another lady comes sailing, and gets right in front of me, yet again. Now the scott makes a quick appearance, as I slightly annoyed put in that it was actually MY turn, just to be put into my place (where is it??) by the cashier, who had already started to ring up the other lady's stuff, and told to just wait at the other register, because that cashier would be very quick as well (yes, she really said that! I really feel like writing a letter or email to the store and complain about the lack of manner with their cashiers - rogerian or scottian??). So I wait in line at the other register, being really annoyed, buying my stuff and walking briskly back into the office.

Wakefield people, please re-evaluate me!!! Am I a disgrace for all scotts or simply something else??

... And Then It Went South

Today was such a good day! At least it started out that way. Violet slept through the night without her nucki, which she has lost properly (nucki and the spare) and came into my bed for some cuddles shortly before I had to get up. I was productive at work and the morning just flew by. A good day all together, until I was sitting with my coworker, going through some old emails to figure an older case out, when he suddenly asked me if I was pregnant. EXCUSE ME?!?

He explained that a coworker, who he would not named, had asked him about it. When he said that I wasn't, to the best of his knowledge, the anonymous colleague mentioned that I must have just eaten too muc recently.

BANG! I have to admit, I almost started crying. I managed to compose myself, but it seriously ruined my day. I was at a point where I was feeling comfortably about myself, my body. And this delicate construct just crushed within this moment. I know, it's pathetic that I feel that way, that the careless spoken words of this moron can have such an impact on me, but they did. I felt insecure, I almost went out to buy a complete new outfit that very moment., I barely dared to think about food for the rest of the day. And come 4:30 pm, I almost ran out in my uncomfortable shoes to head home.

How comforting it was to just sink in hubby's arms. We talked about it, and he told me that he would have totally supported me slapping  the impertinence out of this guy (even though I bet the employee's council would not have supported that course of action, and I kind of need that job right now). I am glad that hubby is so wonderful; just being in his presence makes me calmer, more confident, feel loved for who I am, not who I could be.

I can't wait to curl up next to him tonight, and hope for a better tomorrow!

Modern Cooking - Creamy Salmon Pasta

The weather is cooling off, so my stove is getting some action again! To be honest, who wants to cook if it's in the 90s? In the summer, we eat a lot of salads and other "cold" meals for dinner.

I'm lucky enough to have a family who likes fish, even the girls like it (quote this Tuesday: Daddy: What shall we make for dinner??  Lily: FISH!!). So I tried this absolutely yummie-looking salmon pasta from the pasta cook book I picked up from the library:

Not my picture, but it looks like that! (Source)

Ingredients:
1 medium onion, chopped (I used a red onion)
1 T butter
1-1/2 c cream
1/2 lb salmon, chopped
salt and pepper to taste
fresh dill, chopped (or substitute fried dill or marjoram)
spaghetti

Bring water to a rolling boil and add pasta. Melt butter in large skillet until foaming and add onion. Reduce heat and cook onion until soft and only slightly browned. Add cream and stir while reducing (make sure the cream does not boil or it will separate and curdle). When the sauce has reached the desired creaminess, add salmon and heath through. When pasta is al dente, drain and toss with sauce. Add dill and mix well. Serve with freshly-grated parmesan.


People, it was so yummie and received praise from the entire family!

As a variation from the original recipe, you can use the cream sauce as a base and add cooked chicken with thyme or basil, or as a vegetarian, add chopped broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and mushroom (definitely trying that one as well!).

If you're trying more variations, please let me know how it turned out!

Enjoy!

Wonderful Wordless Wednesday - Hello Sweetie!

Linking up with the Mommy Blog Hoppers for yet another Wonderful Wordless Wendesday. I know, Dorcotr Who is somewhat a theme here for me, but couldn't help...

This marriage RULES!! (Source)

Dear Bullies...

After last week's Sunday Social, I’ve thought a lot about the time back in high school. I know that many people have fondest memories about that time, having fun with their friends and living the care-free life of teenagers. My high school years were plain hell. Sometimes I’m almost surprised that I have actually made it through those years alive, and this is not an allegory. And all that pain because of a few popular kids, who couldn’t stick to the simple rule “live and let live”, I will call them The Bullies.

It all started back in 3^rd or 4^th grade, when my mom, for many still an “outsider” because she had not been born and raised in this little town, had an argument with a mom from my town’s “high society” (yes, it is as pathetic as it sounds, being the “high society” of a town of about 5,000 people). Her daughter went to school with me, and from then on, she and her clique were against me. I thought that switching over to high school would change things, because a lot of new people would be joining, and I’d make friends and be left alone. But while I hoped that things would change, with a whole bunch of new people in our class, she took her opportunity and made sure that things would change… for the worse. Back then I was probably even more so a shy kid, not really one who approaches people, more the introvert; she, on the other hand, was the polar opposite and before I knew it, she had a huge circle of new friends around her, who hadn’t barely spoken a word to me but thought they’d knew all about me.

I went through all the stages of a bully victim, from trying to shrug it off, trying to talk to them, trying to talk to teachers, showing them that I am stronger, to eventually publicly crumble to pieces.

I still remember this afternoon. I was sitting in class after lunch break, eating a chocolate ice cream bar, and minding my own business. At some point, a piece of the chocolate mantle of my ice cream bar broke off and fell to the ground. I had planned to finish my ice cream and clean it up then; this was not to happen, as just seconds later, the crowd jumped at me. The demanded that I pick the chocolate up at once, which I refused. They started coming at me, pushing me off my chair, trying to force me to lick the chocolate off the floor. I don’t know how I got away, but I did, locking myself into one of the toilet stalls. I broke down, sobbing violently; in this moment, I did not want to go on. At that point, I never wanted to leave the school bathroom to face my tormentors again. Some of the “neutral” people came in to talk to me and see how I was doing. I said that I couldn’t go on like that, that I simply couldn’t any more, and that I wanted to kill myself. Once the words have come out, I heard movement outside the door, and one of the bullies ran back to the crowd for a status report; I heard him yelling “she’s finally going to kill herself”. I felt even more humiliated than before, but also the realization set in that by no means I can let them win. I cannot let them get the better of me and destroy my future. I won’t give them their ultimate victory.

Don't ask me how I managed to get out that day, and return to class, but I did. And I returned the next day, and the one after. I got back into my routine. I showed up for class, did what I needed to do there, and besides that withdrew even more. I spent my days, summer like winter, at home reading, finding solace in the world of books. I appreciated the few friends I had even more, and I started to build myself a life outside school, with friends who went to different schools, and enjoyed the activities I did. Even during the last 2 years of high school, when there were a lot of fundraisers going on to finance the prom, the yearbook, etc., I stayed away. By then, the bullies had basically lost their interest, especially since their leader was no longer in our grade due to mal-performance, but the damage had been done years ago. I took part in the yearbook club because I enjoyed writing. I delivered my pieces and left while the others enjoyed themselves, drinking until late at night. The few times I actually hung out with them (there was honestly still a piece inside me left that WANTED to fit in), I drank myself into oblivion early on, just to not feel or remember.

And then graduation and prom days came and went, and I was free. I moved forward from then on, and hardly ever looked back. I’m still in contact with my best friend, of course, and with a few others who had remained neutral. In 2008 I received an invitation for our 5-year reunion; of course, I didn’t go, living half a world away and just having had a baby. This year was our 10-year reunion, and again I received an invitation. I planned on going at first, with hubby and the girls as support, but then decided against it. My friend and the other people I still talk to all didn’t go, and why put even the least effort forward to impress someone who isn’t worth it. Sure, I’ve made it. I have a wonderful family, great education, and a job that many only dream of. Some have never finished college or a job training and now work in a factory somewhere, or are simply unemployed. Some of the girls’ best bet is hoping for a good marriage. So they have spent the best years of their life feeling superior by making me feel the worst I ever did, but that skills didn’t help them in any way. Today, they are on the loser-end of the equation, while I have risen above them. I still bear my scars; I still suffer from depression and a feeling of worthlessness. But I know that I am lovable and my life is worth living when I am with my family, who loves me for who I am, unconditionally.

To all these bullies: you have tried to break me, to bring me down, to elevate yourselves. You may have won battles along the way, but not the war. I have risen above it, and even though it still hurts thinking about it sometime, not having many fond memories of this time in my life that should have been one of the best times of my life. But to be honest, it doesn't matter now, because the best time of MY life is right now; I am surrounded by so much love that your hate does not affect me any more. I don't wish you anything bad; I know that some of you have gone through horrible pain throughout the years. I don't expect you ever to think back about this awkward girl you tortured so casually. I will remember you for the rest of my life, but I am beyond your grasp now. I wish you the best for your life, but never care to see any of you again.

If you or someone you know are a victim of bullies and you would like to share experiences or need support from a survivor, please feel free to contact me.

Challenge 2013 - Book 8: Snow Wolf

I'm usually not too much into thrillers, but wanted to try something different, et voila!

The Hard Facts:
Title: Snow Wolf
Author: Glenn Meade
450 pages
Publisher: St. Martins Pr. , First Edition (May 1996)
ISBN: 978-0312144210

Find it on Amazon

The Story:
In 1952, Anna Khorev escapes from a gulag and manages to flee over the Finnish border. Jake Massey, a CIA agent convinces the US ambassador to grant a visa to Anna to take her to safety in America against the will of the Communist regime in Russia. There, she is integrated until Jake Massey is introduced into a highly confidential plan of the US secret service: the assassination of Joseph Stalin. His team consists of one of the most skilled killers in the service of the CIA, several contacts on the way to Moscow, and Anna, who agrees to return to Moscow and support the mission with the promise that she will be able to get back her daughter, who was placed in an orphanage upon her and her husband’s arrest. However, Anna is still being followed by Russian agent, who plan to abduct and return her to Russia. While training for their mission in a remote cabin in January 1953, the situation escalates for the first time when the agents attack the camp and burn it down before being killed themselves. Jake Massey decides to start the operation immediately, without informing his superiors and Anna starts her journey back to Europe together with her partner, the killer Alex Slanski. They do not know that the plan was discovered by a second team of Russian agents; when it turns out, Jake’s superiors order him to stop the operation at all cost, even if it means killing the agents on the mission. Meanwhile, Anna and Alex are always a step ahead and travel via Estonia and Finland into Russia. Soon, Russian agents are on their heels and Yuri Lukin is reactivated as an agent to hunt the two down, knowing that his own life is endangered should he fail. Eventually, after Alex and Anna separate in Moscow, Anna is captured and questioned by Yuri, who tries to get all necessary information from her before his sadistic superiors are getting to her. However, Anna stays mum and the hunt for Alex continues, who, in the meantime, has found a safe place with a woman who is going to leave Moscow with Anna hidden in a train transporting furs for a French business man and honorary Russian citizen. In order to free Anna, Alex abducts Yuri’s pregnant wife; during the exchange, Yuri tries to shoot and kill Alex, however both he and Anna manage to escape and find cover at their safe house before planning their respective final missions: Alex to kill Stalin and Anna to free her daughter from the orphanage and once again flee from Russia. In the meantime, the pressure on Yuri to present a success in his mission increases, as his wife is yet again in danger, this time threatened by his own. In a showdown at the safe house, Jake Massey finds himself finally eye to eye with Alex and Anna again; however, he is shot and mortally wounded during the shooting. Alex and Anna leave, chased by Yuri, who has finally found the missing information from Alex’s file and learned why he was put on the case: Alex and he are brothers. After the violet death of both of their parents, Alex, Yuri, and their sister were taken to a orphanage for party-conform re-education, from which Alex escaped and fled into the west. As a macabre and sadistic twist, the highest party leaders determined that his brother should be the one taking Alex down, without even knowing it. Re-united, Alex and Yuri decide to cooperate on their final suicidal mission; however, Alex knocks out Yuri just before they reached Stalin’s country house and Alex enters the compound by himself, disguised as Yuri and with the dead US agent, Jake Massey on his back seat to present to Stalin. Yuri is shocked about his brother having left him, however, he manages to reach the train that is to transport his wife and the other women into safety to Finland. In the meantime, against all odds and expectations, Alex succeeds in his mission killing Stalin before shooting himself to not be captured by the KGB agents. In the wake of the ensuing tumults, the two US agents are removed from the villa and buried in unnamed graves at the cemetery of a nearby monastery to cover up the events. 

My opinion:

I read a little on Amazon what others thought about it, and there seemed to have been quite some (avoidable) factual mistakes. Even I wondered how a one-handed guy can so easily ride a motorcycle. But let's give Glenn Meade some literary freedom, won't we? To be honest, I really enjoyed reading this thriller, written from Anna Khorev's point of view, as the tells the story to Jake Massey's son, many decades after the events of 1953. It feels a little unrealistic at times, Meade seems to try a little too hard, and by editing properly and cutting out some bits and pieces here and there would have made the book even a little more cohesive and realistic. The afterword points at the mysterious circumstances of Stalin's death; even his relatives back then question the official cause of death. In general, this book is great for a rainy weekend (or two) with a hot cup of tea. Definitely recommend it, even if you're usually not too much into thrillers (I'm not).