Cleaning House

As part of my journey to more happiness in our lives, I've decided to clean house, choosing quality over quantity. On many levels.

Today, I've started with maybe the easiest part: my Facebook account.

I've noticed in the past weeks that there was a particular person on my friends list, who kept posting offensive material. Material that attacked immigrants in Germany - even though I'm sure that the author did not intend to attack immigrants like my husband and daughters. Not the white, middle-class, non-Muslim sort of immigrants. However, whenever immigrants are attacked, whether it is intended to include immigrants like my husband and daughters or not, it hurts. Especially if the slurs and rants are directed at immigrants like the refugees from Syria and Iraq, who would much rather be back in their villages, in their own homes and businesses than in the refugee facilities here in Germany.

So far, I have tried to reason with her, and eventually thinking about simply hiding her posts, being afraid that she'd think me to be narrow-minded and intolerant. But then I realized that I actually do not care what she thinks of me. And I unfriended her. As I was scrolling through my list of friends, I realized that my list of "close friends I share my life with" has ballooned to include acquaintances, colleagues that I don't even like, and people I have grown apart from. And the cleaning-out started.  I also started to categorize my "friends" sharing my life only with those that I still consider close friends/family.  And I feel better. I feel comfortable to share all the things I want to share instead of censoring myself, worrying to offend anyone, etc.

Cleaning House - Facebook  (check)

Keep looking for more cleaning house posts!!

Questions To Free Your Mind 1 - 10

Last year, Jenni over at Flying on a Rainbow did this 5-part questionnaire in preparation of turning the big 3-0. Being just a couple of weeks away from this milestone myself, I cheekily went over to steal it. If you like this questionnaire, please head over to Jenni's blog and read her answers!


1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
People usually guess me around 25, a little older when I tell them the ages of our girls. I sometimes feel like 8, being a worry-free child for an hour or so; sometimes I feel like 50, enjoying my weekends on the couch, going to classical concerts, etc. Mostly, I guess I feel about the age I am.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Definitely never trying is worse. Yes, failing is not easy, and not fun, but it also can teach us so much. It can show us a way to achieve our goal on a second or third try. Not trying is giving up from the beginning.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?
Because life is life. Most people my age have responsibilities, bills to pay, and sometimes even other people to take care of. But I believe that doing the things I may not always fancy now (don't want to get up at 6 am tomorrow!!) will give us the freedom to do the things we like eventually.

4. When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?
Always. I try to follow up with my promises, but I do admit that I sometimes do forget, or life simply happens.

5. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?
Wars, hunger, pain. There is the potential for everyone to live happy, but they are not, and that is a very sad thing. Children dying from disease and malnutrition while their parents have no opportunity to help them. Things like that should not happen, and it breaks my heart knowing that they do.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Translating books and spending much, much time with my family.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Well, being a hippie at heart, working for a large international corporation, have a lucky guess. But I'm a realist, so I am happy with the job I have because it provides for the family and I actually enjoy my work.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Would that mean I'd got to retire soon?? I would definitely not save as much for "later in life", therefore work less and spend more time with the family.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Well, the things I could control, I did as best as I could (can you say control freak??). I persued my school and college. I earned a second degree, getting a job that fulfills me. And I am very lucky with the things I could not control, like love and having a family.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Probably doing the right things. Especially with raising kids, it's so difficult to always know what's right. So we're going with what feels right.

Oh Happiness...

Jenni at Story Of My Life asks today to share 10 things that make me very happy. Nothing better to make my day than thinking about things that make me happy.. Here it goes:

1. My family.. All three of them!!

2. The first colored leaves in fall (Source: Forestfoliage)

3. The first green leaves of spring (Source: Wikipedia)

4. The smell of a summer shower (Source: Crimsoncorvus)

5. The first snow in winter (Source: Noworkday)

6. A great book (Source: Phlmetropolis)

7. Watching a new episode of Doctor Who with the hubby (Source: Telegraph UK)

8. An afternoon with good friends and good wine (Source: Etsystatic)

9. The sparkling in the girls' eyes when the see the Yule tree for the first time.

10. Weekends!!

What makes YOU really happy??

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What Is Happiness??

This question was thrown out by my friend Miranda the other day on Facebook. My nice and short answer was the following: "Having a family, the girls' smiles, having not to worry about money, enjoying my job, health..."

In fact, I think it is a lot deeper than that. Thinking about this question during the last few days, I believe that, at least for me, there are two levels of happiness: the "would-be" and the "is". The "would-be" is when I'm dreaming about things and situation I guess would make me happy. I sometimes dream of having enough money to own a nice, 5-bedroom house without a mortgage, never have to work again unless I feel like it, spend all the time in the world with my family, travel the world with them, and never have to worry about it.

Luckily, I am realistic enough to know that most likely, this scenario will never happen. But there's still the "realistic" happiness, and yes, I am happy beyond anything I've ever dared dreaming of. I am lucky enough to be married to a wonderful, gentle, and down-to-earth man; we have two healthy, beautiful girls; I have a job I actually enjoy and earn enough money to be comfortable; we live in a very nice 3-bedroom apartment with awesome neighbors; we have a wide circle of acquaintances and friends. And then there are still those little moments that make me stop in the tracks and smile, most of them involve the girls doing something absolutely adorable, and my heart feels as if it wants to break through my chest.

Yes, I am happy with my life, even without all those "would-be's". Thanks, Miranda, for pushing me in this direction!

Violet's Smile

Violet has her Daddy's smile. It hit me today when she sat on Richard's lap and both were just radiating at me. My Dad had said from the beginning that she looks a lot more like Richard's side of the family (his mom in particular) than Lily does, but I have never noticed it as much as today. She has his lips that are thinner than mine and those adorable little dimples in her cheeks, just like him. I love those moments when, out of a sudden, I am stopped in the tracks by little things like that. Those moments that make me smile and open my heart, being washed over by a wave of love and pure happiness.

I remember when Violet was born and the midwife student commented that it looks as if Violet had dark hair; Richard responded that she would be looking more like him then, since Lily had blond hair like I. Once she was cleaned up she turned out having strawberry blond hair and was even lighter than Lily was (she actually did have darker hair at birth). But despite her blond hair and blue eyes, she turned out looking like her Daddy and, as far as one can say at this point, is also very similar in character to him while Lily is always commented on as being a mini-Stephanie.

But while they might look like us or are even similar in character, they are still personalities of their own, changing, adapting, growing; and I feel honored to be there for our little girls supporting them to become the women they are supposed to be. In the meantime, I enjoy spotting every little similarity, difference, and everything in between about them.

Of Happiness and Woes

It's been a while since I've written a post, life has just been too busy, sleep has been a luxury with our teething baby, and work just crazy but so interesting. I think I've learned more useful things in these two months than ever before, for which I am really glad and grateful. I finally feel as if my hard work is somewhat paying off and just hope for the best toward the end of the year.

Well, in all that craziness that is still called my life, I found myself at the grocery store last Saturday morning to pick up some pizza and cake for lunch and coffee since our friends were about to come over to help us put up our monstrosity of a wardrobe. Pushing little Violet in the shopping cart through the store, I was suddenly stopped by an older couple wooing over our little girl, who was at her best and decided to smile at them with her adorable toothless smile. I our little conversation that followed, the man said something along the line of "Isn't it amazing how little they need to be happy; it's because they know so little about life's woes yet". I was somehow too confused about that remark to reply right away, but it stuck, and on the way out to our car, I thought, that it's not only our kids learning from us as they grow, but if we allow it, we can learn so much from our little ones.

Just looking at both of our girls and watching them teaches me so much about the beauty of life itself, and what life is REALLY about. People, and I am no exception, worry too much about lesser issues in life that they lose their focus on what really counts. How often has you smiled today? I am looking at Lily and Violet, and they smile constantly about seemingly meaningless things. I remember Lily's eyes lighting up when the doorbell rang today and her friend was there picking her up to play downstairs. Or Violet being just content as she lays in her bed with her pacifier and one of my t-shirts to soothe her while she falls asleep holding my finger. She had a full tummy, a warm bed, and someone who loves her right there to feel safe, this is all she needed.

When were we last truly grateful for just not being hungry, having a warm home and loved ones around? Most of the time people complain that the house or the TV aren't big enough, they needed a new car because the one they have already has a few years under its belt, and so on. Next time you think this way, just switch on the TV or check the news online to see that for the majority of people in this world these simple needs cannot be met. People are still going hungry or even starving in most countries in the world. Parents have to watch their hungry children unable to feed them, don't have a home of can provide even the most simple needs like shelter or medical care. At this point, we should really take a second to step back and look at what WE have rather than what the person next door has. Let's take a second and learn from our children what's really important in life, and maybe this will eventually make a difference and help us lead a happier and more content life. I personally will go now and watch our girls sleep, kiss them good-night a final time for tonight and turn in myself. To a better tomorrow, everyone!

All Those Small Things

This afternoon I found myself sitting in a local short-order restaurant opposite my husband and older daughter with our younger daughter sleeping peacefully in her car seat beside me, munching on my delicious salmon burger and stealing a couple of fries from our daughter's kid's meal. Suddenly, I had to smile. Out of the blue, for no particular reason. Sitting there, looking at those three people that mean the world and more to me, my flowed over with happiness. My husband noticed my smile and asked me what was up, and I just told him nothing. Nothing in particular. I was simply happy.

But what was I so happy about? I suddenly became aware of all the small things that we mostly don't even notice in our day-to-day routine. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters. We're all healthy; ok, we're all having a cold right now, but nothing bad, and for the most part, we're healthy. We have friends, who are more like family than some people who are actually related to us. We have people supporting us no matter what. And we're doing fine financially. In this economy, that's a good thing. We're about to embark on an adventure to better our lives as a family, with support from so many sides. And right now, we have so much time to spend together as a family. Probably time is the major thing I am thankful for right now.

In the last two years, and maybe even before that, family time was oftentimes short. In between jobs, commuting time, and other obligations, spending time together was often not possible. Our only family vacation was a stressful trip to Germany, where we had an overfilled schedule of meeting with all the people we haven't seen in such a long time (most of my family I hadn't seen in three years). Once we returned, I was so ready for a vacation, but instead was back in my chair at the office the very next day, jet-lagged or not, I didn't have an option. The only thing we did not have during our vacation was quality time as a family. And once we move to Germany it will be a while until we can just relax and really enjoy time just us 4 together again. In between dealing with living with family, running from government agency to government agency to register our residence, applying for different services, applying for Richard's visa, looking for jobs, etc. there will be little time to relax. And once we have jobs, it will be all about looking for an apartment and moving our little family.

Right now, I am dream-planning a weekend trip for our family to this small hotel in the middle of nowhere in the Bavarian Forest. My parents used to take me and my sister there for family vacations a few time; back then, I was mostly bored, but right now I can't imagine anything better than just relaxing, taking a dip in the pool, sweating in the sauna, and enjoying walks in the forest. My goal is to realize this trip this year, which means our family will be established independently by then. We'll do our best to achieve our goal, and be able to enjoy time as a family again. But no matter what, nothing really matters as long as we four are together, and this is truly the best gift in the world!

Perceiving Me, Perceiving You

The entire Powell family is down with a cold right now, which resulted in a lazy afternoon at home rather than the planned moving sale. Since I had nothing better to do (and needed some time to relax) I turned to Netflix and found "World's Greatest Dad" starring Robin Williams. It is a movie aboutLance, a teacher at a private school (and unsuccessful writer), who writes a suicide note in order to make his teenage son Kyle's death as a result of a "freak accident" (let your imagination take off, or just watch the movie!) look as if he had hanged himself. The suicide note is a hit, inspiring students at the school to look into themselves and change their lives. Seeing the impact of his note, Lance writes a journal he accredits to Kyle, which becomes a huge success at the school. Lance's poetry class is overbooked with students, and Kyle, who - to say the least - was a total jerk, becomes a hero with a large fellowship posthumously, based on the persona delivered by the journal and suicide note his father wrote.

In the progress, it seemed to me that Lance has described the person he wanted Kyle to be, while the students were able to identify themselves with different aspects of the persona Lance created. When Lance admits to the scam in the end, the disappointment can be clearly seen in the students' and faculty members' faces. Their little world of a perfect, troubled young hero a la Werther (see "The Sorrows of Young Werther"/"Die Leiden den jungen Werther" by J.W. von Goethe) was shattered, and the grim reality of their own lives set in again.

Analyzing the the movie's premise, one can see that it is nothing but an exaggerated depiction of daily life. Oftentimes we are perceiving people the way we want them to be rather than the way they really are. We love them for what we see in them whether it is truly there or we just imagine it because we want it to be there so badly. On the other hand, many people are going through life taking on disguises only to please people. I wonder how much effort is wasted in creating these perceptions on whatever end, and how this energy could be used to more effective ends? What would happen if people simply sat down, looked in a mirror and asked themselves: "Who am I?" Would it make them happier? What if people didn't go through life trying to change people to fit in their narrow-minded world view but accept them for who they are? Would it make the world a better and happier place to live? Would it help our society to be more productive and less depressed? Questions over questions... Unfortunately, we might never have a real answer for it, because it seems like an unachievable utopia.