School Doesn't Teach That!

I really love today's prompt of Jenni's "Blog Every Day In May"-challenge: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.

I appreciate that I had the chance to go to school in Germany, but still there are plenty of skills that no school will be able to teach you. The greatest skill life taught me is patience.

I've never been a patient person. I'm a planner, doer, and control freak. If there's an issue, I'll go and fix it. Until I encountered the first major obstacle, when there was nothing for me to do but wait. Needless to say, that didn't go well; it's embarrassing to mention, but tantrums ensued that would have made every toddler proud.

And thanks to the Army, there were plenty of occasions to practice patience. Waiting for orders, waiting for appointments at the on-post hospital, waiting for the hubby to come home.

And once we finally received our ETS orders, I got to keep learning: waiting for the call back after a job interview, waiting on the decision whether we would get the apartment, and most recently, waiting on our building permit.

There are times, when the learning process is difficult. When the uncertainty causes me having panic attacks and insomnia, but I have learned methods to cope. I have learned that there are things I cannot influence, and freaking out won't help a thing. So I need to distract myself, even if it's hard in the beginning. I have learned how to calm myself actively through meditation and breathing techniques.

I have to admit, I am almost thankful for all the challenges, because it helped me acquire a skill that helps me whenever I have to leave my comfort zone: being patient, wait without freaking out and driving the hubby up the wall by running around like crazy, trying to do something, no matter how senseless it is. Patience to focus my energy on enjoying my time with my family, give the best I can at work, and don't waste my time on worrying and generally freaking out.

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Breathe...

Jenni's Blog Every Day In May challenge tells me to hand out a piece of advice.

Well, the advice I meditate over the most in the last months and maybe even years is: Change what you can, accept what you can't.

I am a control freak. I only feel safe when I feel in control. All my life I have been in a safe place, everything was laid out for me months in advance. By the time I graduated high school, I already had my acceptance for college while many of my class mates were still wondering what to do and just starting to apply to universities. Several weeks before class started, I had signed the lease for my apartment. Well, the first time this changed was, when I met Richard and we were making plans to get married. We were not able to set a date because we had no idea when his paperwork would arrive from the States. To be honest, I'm surprised to this date that he actually followed through marrying me, taking all the tantrums I threw into consideration. Well, it is common knowledge that we did get married at the end.

Uncertainties followed regarding the visa; until a couple of days before his departure it was not sure whether I would be able to go with him or if we had to separate for a few weeks until my visa was done. Tantrum-time! The few months leading up to becoming pregnant with Lily.. I put my poor husband through a lot of stress, I freely admit. His getting out of the Army, our move to Washington State without a job or any other real prospects with a little baby. Becoming pregnant unplanned when I couldn't imagine it the least to expand the family. Giving up our lives and moving to Germany, again without any jobs with a toddler and a newborn baby. And now, the house, our current bane.

During the last 7 years I have learned the importance of this advice. There is no benefit in panicking and wasting energy on things that are beyond my power to control. Yes, it still bothers me and sends me into the occasional panic attack, but I am getting better. I have ayquired skills to ground me if panic is sweeping me away, mostly breathing techniques and meditation, and focusing on things I am indeed able to control.

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