Why We Didn't Circumcise Lily

No, I did not go completely nuts. I am absolutely aware that female genital mutilation (FGM) is illegal in the US, Europe, and many other parts of this world. But still it was our first pregnancy, which we decided to spend as "team green" and eventually resulting in us meeting our beautiful daughter, that we had to discuss a practice that is still very common throughout the United States: Infant Boy Circumcision.

While routine circumcision is not practiced in my native Germany, I was aware that it was "what you do" in the U.S. I talked to my colleagues, who, with my mom being a continent away, were the women I primarily turned to with my questions and concerns about pregnancy. They all had boys, and they all had them circumcised. I learned that a circumcised boy is easier to clean, will have a lower risk for a number of diseases, and since his nerve endings are not quite developed yet he will not feel anything. After all, can the majority of families of newborn boys be wrong (as of 2010, a good 58% of newborn baby boys were circumcised according to the CDC)?

Before discussing circumcision for our son I may be carrying with hubby, I was slightly pro-circumcision, assuming to do the right thing adapting to he culture I was now a part of.  The discussion with hubby was, however, quite short and admittedly also a bit surprising for me. Asking him whether he would prefer circumcision for a son, he plain and simply answered: "No, why? It's an unnecessary procedure."  With him having such a clear stance against circumcision, we had made our decision for our potential son.

However, after watching an episode of the TLC-show "Bringing Home Baby", where a little boy suffered from pain and bleeding after being circumcised at the hospital to the point where even the father, who was a doctor, could not do much to relief his boy's agony, I felt compelled to do more research on the issue. What I found was horrible. After the episode of "Bringing Home Baby", all I needed to see to be personally absolutely against circumcision is the so-called "circumstraint", the board where the babies are tied to before the procedure:

Source

I knew that no-one will ever be allowed to tie a son of ours to one of these contraption. Why would they need to tie the little ones down like that if it didn't hurt?

Furthermore, there is a long list of potential complications of circumcision, including, among others:

- removal of not enough or too much skin
- adhesions and skin-bridges
- urinary retention
- sexual dysfunction
- urinary tract infections
- hemorrhage (excessive bleeding)
- death

What about the commonly perceived benefits of circumcision?

- it's easier to clean.
I wouldn't know how cleaning a raw, bleeding penis is easier than wiping an intact penis. From experience I can say, cleaning an intact penis is as easy as cleaning a finger.

- circumcision decreases the risk for diseases.
There are indeed studies that suggest that circumcision lowers the risk of certain STDs and even HIV/AIDS - by a very small percentage than more traditional prevention methods like condoms. In order to be save, just practice safe sex as an adult, don't cut babies!

- baby won't feel the pain, as the nerve endings aren't fully developed yet.
En contraire! Circumcision is extremely painful for babies; why else would they scream in pain and sometimes develop attachement issues, nursing issues, or even symptoms of PTSD after circumcision? Furthermore, a piece of skin with an extremely high number of nerves is being removed, which certainly will affect the sex life later (I know, nothing we as parents want to think about now, but it's still their bodies!!)

If you are expecting a boy, or plan on starting a family, I ask you to please do your research - for your sons' sake. Not only girls deserve protection from FMG, also boys must be protected from random cosmetic surgery on their private parts. Genital Mutilation affects the lives of both genders, but while people are appalled by the rituals around FGM, male genital mutilation (MGM) is widely accepted and even paid by many insurances. Check out resource pages like Saving Our Sons, and if you seriously consider having your son circumcised, do yourself (and HIM) a favor and watch a clip of a circumcision on YouTube. We all are watching birthing videos at the birth preparation class, but how many women really know what happens to their sons when they are taken by the medical personnel to be circumcised.

Obviously, Lily is not circumcised, and neither is any other of our children. Should any of them prefer any body modifications later, they are welcome to do them. But it's their bodies, and therefore their decision alone.

The Firefighter-Butterfly Dilemma (Please Read & Vote!)

I know, the title sounds completely weird, but it just describes a surprisingly difficult decision (if not of far-reaching consequences) I have to make soon: There is a carnival party at Lily's Kindergarten in a couple of weeks, and I can't make my mind up as what to dress her up.

Lily is a girl with many interests, and one never knows what she will feel like doing or wearing next. Most of the time, if asked what she wanted to wear, she'll just get some shirt and a pair of jeans. Sometimes, however, she will insist on dressing up in one of her nice dresses and ballet flats even though it's just a lazy weekend at home or dance through the house in her little ballerina suit all day long. She loves trains, fire-engines, lego and dolls; butterflies, bunnies, lions, crocodiles, horses, hippos, and penguins, and many, many more things. Going through the carnival section, I have seen tons of costumes, most of which I just couldn't imagine Lily wearing (I'm sorry, but I consider a toddler in a corsage kind of inappropriate) or are just not right for the season. The two choices I am down to at the moment is buying her a butterfly set or a fire fighter costume.

I know she would be ok with either outfit, but the fire fighter she would LOVE! I'm sure she would also like the butterfly costume, but the fire fighter she would go crazy over. So what is the problem you may ask? The problem is that for quite a while I almost constantly have to deal with the accusations that I try to turn our little girl into a boy just because I let her be herself and don't doll her up constantly. Yes, she is a tomboy at times, but that is not me steering her in a direction, it is she expressing herself. Yes, I am really sick and tired of these accusations, and that is why I hesitate to go with the fire fighter. The easiest solution would be simply to take Lily to the store, but knowing our daughter I have no doubt that we would leave the store with butterfly wings and a fire fighter helmet, and that she will insist of wearing both for the party. Maybe this would actually be the best (and funniest) option, but one that will definitely cause a lot of raised eyebrows.

What are your thoughts about it? Input and a vote would be greatly appreciated!

Reflections

Three years ago today was Superbowl Sunday for most. For us, it marked the first day of our new life as parents. After having somewhat recovered from nearly 60 hours of labor and a birth that went nothing like I had imagined, we were finally able to hold our daughter. I cannot describe this moment. It was, as if my heart had been born into this world, and I would do everything I had to to keep her safe. Yesterday, Lily celebrated her third birthday. Since this sunny and freezing February day in Kansas we have moved three times, met a new family who will always be in our hearts no matter how far we are away, reconnected with old friends and added another little wonder to our family. When I look at Lily today I cannot imagine that she used to be this little helpless baby of from 3 years ago. She has become a strong person who has lived through all the changes in her young life with an amazing spirit. A kind heart that displays a compassion rare in someone as young as herself. A little rebel who makes us rolling on the floor laughing. She is our little sunshine who can brighten up a room at 6 am and a little tornado who can tear up a living room in mere moments. At this evening three years ago I would have never imagined the joy ahead of us; and even though my nights might be busy at times and our bed crowded, even though candle-light dinners with just Richard and I happen a few times a year at best and the entire house is always covered with toys, I wouldn't want to be a single day without my girls. Being a parent is not always a walk in the park, but every day our girls are repaying us a thousand-fold and more without even knowing it. Happy Birthday to my big girl; I love you more than words could ever express and I'm proud that you call me your Mami!

My Baby's Eyes

Today, I spent most of my afternoon playing with Violet while Richard was out to the movies with a friend and Lily played (and napped) in her room. Taking into consideration that Violet is not even four weeks old, our play options are somewhat limited. We were lying on the floor, looking at each other, while I told her stories and sang to her. At times she would hold my hand, kick her little feet and roll around (yes, little Violet is already rolling from side to side!). Every once in a while she would fall asleep for a few minutes before waking up again and looking around with an amazed expression as if she'd seen her surroundings for the first time. I remembered her at the day of her birth, when she was just a few minutes old but already alert as could be and taking everything in, soaking her environment in like a little sponge. It made me also remember Lily as a baby, only a day or two old while we were still in the hospital. Those first day Lily didn't sleep well, and I spent most of the nights trying to get her to sleep while she was crying up a storm. In one of these nights at the hospital she suddenly calmed down, opened her eyes and looked around with an amazement we adults seem not capable of experiencing any more. This moment with Lily is engraved in my memory, just as those moments with Violet will be. I keep being utterly amazed by their big, blue eyes, that don't perform very well yet in their intended function (it is assumed that babies can only see about 12 - 15 inches far, their vision is blurry and they are nearly color-blind in those first weeks of life) but take in every little impression with such a natural innocence. I want to spend hours looking back into her eyes, touch her downy, soft hair, stroke her cheeks, hold her little hands and tell her how beautiful she is. At those moments, everything else around us just disappears, time stands still or rushes by, it doesn't matter. Right now I live for those moments with Violet, knowing that they will pass way too quickly; and while I am mourning that soon she will outgrow this newborn phase, I am also looking forward to all the adventures to come with our little girl discovering the world and starts being able to play with her big sister, who is eagerly awaiting this stage. But right now, I take every opportunity to hold my little girl, or just lie next to her and gaze into her eyes, watching her experiencing the world one little bit at a time.

Life, Unexpectedly

Life, Unexpectedly.. This phrase has been flying around in my head for a while, and since I'd planned on once again trying my luck in the blogosphere, why not get it out of my head and into the world.

Some people may know that my last blog, The Powells Around The World, which was mostly an attempt to provide a convenient forum for family and friends to stay up-to-date with us, died a sudden death around the time Richard got out of the military in summer of 2008. In between caring for our active little girl, organizing a move halfway through the country, getting settled in Washington, and our other day-to-day activities, the idea of blogging didn't enter my mind very often. Why is the urge back now? I honestly don't know, but here I am once again, putting my thoughts out there...

Once again we find ourselves at a point where we realize, that life is just too unpredictable to plan. Each time I thought we had it all planned out, things happened to make us realize that life cannot be planned, at least not to the extent my little control-obsessed mind would like to plan. Right now, we are 35 weeks pregnant with our second miracle girl, with yet another move ahead of us, this time without the Army-sponsored moving company to deal with the mess for us. But even though I am absolutely terrified, I have to admit that I am actually looking forward to all these changes; after many disappointments in the past, we feel that it is time for us to move on, and I'm actually excited!! Indeed, being terrified and excited at once is an interesting mix of emotions, but I for once feel that I am definitely up to handling everything life is going to throw at me!

Unexpected life, just bring it on!!