Violet was not planned, and I had a very hard time accepting the pregnancy at first, but when I first saw her wiggling around on an ultrasound picture, I fell in love so hard, I have no words for it. From this moment on, I knew that she was meant to be with us. But despite that, I was still finding myself sitting at Lily's bed at night, crying and wondering how I could ever love another child the way I loved our girl. Then, I held our Violet in my arms for the first time. She was still a little squeezed up from her little journey, but there she was, this tiny little baby, and it felt as if I had always had the two of them. I love them both so much; they have taught me that I can love them both equally but in very different way, since they are both so different in every respect.
So I know a little about having a much anticipated child, and one that was not planned at first. I could never imagine not loving them both. It was heartbreaking how Sara confronted Anna about being selfish for not giving one of her kidneys to Kate. She kept arguing that Anna never minded helping Kate and having the procedures done; a flashback showed Brian, the dad, carrying Anna as a pre-schooler to the operation table, kicking and screaming and fighting. I once had to hold Lily down to have a medical procedure done. She was very, very sick and seriously dehydrated, but still she fought as hard as she could when they tried over and over again to get an IV-needle in her little, dried-out body. I was able to do it because I knew that she needed it to save her life, and I knew that I needed to be the one by her side. I could have never done it otherwise.
I hope that I will never have to be in the situation having to say good-bye to one of my daughters, having to go a much harder path with them, giving them hope when I am losing it myself. But I know that I could never hurt one of my children to save the other.