Monday, June 3, 2013

Fat Kid - Thin Kid - Pretty Kid

In early May, we went to the routin check-ups with both of the girls. They were tested for their physical, mental, and emotional development, and I'm glad to say that both are doing so well. Violet has outgrown her timidity well enough and Lily has caught up speechwise to the level she should be in German, impresses with her English, and is overall a very impressing leftie.

A couple of days ago, I punched as ever-so-often the physical data (height and weight) into a unit converter (seriously, how long are the US sticking to the imperial measurements??) for the report to the State-side grandparents, when I happened to stumble upon this percentile calculator. Curious as I am, I checked their stats in comparison to their U.S. peers, and received back a quite infuriating result: according to this calculator, Lily is considered marginally overweight.

Let me be honest: yes, I am aware that both my girls have very different body types. Lily has already been showing signs of becoming curvy later in life as a toddler, while Violet has always been tall and rail-thin. To be honest, I've always seen her marginally underweight (to the point where my mom wants to know what she eats!), but according to this calculator, she's somewhere in the middle range.

Ok, dear doctors who drew up this chart: we are giving our kids healthy food to eat, little processed foods, as much whole grains as possible, fruit, vegetables, and yes, most days a treat after dinner, which is usually a small piece of chocolate, an individual sleeve of gummi-bears, and in summer orange juice popsicles. And both of our kids are active. If the weather is nice they spend the evenings outside until it's time for bed; we sing and dance, play catch around the coffee table, and sometimes (if Daddy is out for band practice) jump on the bed. I would like to know what exactly makes you believe that our daughter is "marginally overweight"? Do you have an idea what you can possibly do to a young girl's emotional state of mind with a completely unfounded opinion like that (this chart goes to the age of 12, and many 10 or 12-year olds may be able to figure their score out themselves)? What a I - as a "good parent" supposed to be doing with the information you kindly provided? Cut her portions? Make her work out? Cut her dessert? And how am I going to explain to her that her sister is still getting her treat while she doesn't? Am I telling her: "oh, sweetie, that's the thing, you're just a tad bit on the heavy side, so we need to fix that until you can have dessert again!"

She will remember it, and make it a part of herself. She'll watch other girls her age or older, or younger, and want to be like them even though there is a good chance she'll never look that way due to body shape and genes. She will start hating her body and put all her energy into it to conquer it; or she will give up and start eating up her frustration. Why do I know? Because I've been there. I have lost years of my life watching every single calory that entered my body. I ate and puked. I became tired, my skin dried out, I became weak, but not able to break the circle. Whenever I ate, I felt guilty, I felt like betraying the person I could be, until I realized that I can either accept the person I am and embrace her, or keep fighting her for as long as I can and still lose this war. The experience that helped me win the battle in the end was getting pregnant. I knew that I wanted a healthy baby and I knew that only a healthy me could ensure that; and once I held this beautiful little girl in my arms, I promised her to raise her a strong woman who will love who she is and enjoy every minute of her life. I know it won't be easy, but I'll do my best to fulfill this promise to both our daughters.


So what am I going to do now? Nothing. I will not change her eating habits, which are fine. I will not cut the treats from her diet and punish her for inheriting my genes. I will not chase her around more, because she is already a healthy, active, and beautiful little girl. Her pediatrician is happy with her, her speech therapist is happy with her, and her physical therapist is happy with her, and most of all, I am happy to have such a remarkable girl be my daughter!
Not fat, not skinny, just having fun!

10 comments:

  1. I have always hated those charts, according to those charts, two of my kids are too little and two were huge!!! Good for you for not changing things because of those charts, your girls are gorgeous
    http://mommysrambles.blogspot.com/2013/06/mommy-mondays.html

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    1. Thanks for your input, Kimbra. I just think the dangerous thing is that some parents might be scared by a result like that and - tying to help their child - will do more emotional damage than physical good.

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  2. I'm so glad that you are going to keep doing what you are doing! :) Your daughters are beautiful the way they are.

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    1. Thanks, Jen! I just know that the result is complete non-sense. They are both healthy, and my job is to keep it that way. And mental health is a very important factor...

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  3. I hate graphs, I hate charts, I hate percentiles. And this is exactly why I hate them. Ignore all the experts and go with your gut. If you say she's fine, then she's fine. One of the worst days of my childhood was the day mum made me wear a girdle under a dress. I spent the next few years convinced I was fat, and when I look back at the photos now, I was so skinny, I just had a wobbly belly. If I could turn back time and undo all the damage that one girdle did to me, I would in a heartbeat. You're a good mum, and you've got great kids. That's more than any chart will ever tell you.

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    1. That is horrible! I'm so sorry about that experience! This is exactly why I won't change a thing right now. I see her every day, and she is healthy, no matter what some stupid graph says. If I looked at them and found that something was wrong, I would definitely go see someone who might be able to help, but that's not the case here. Thank you very much for sharing your story and your input!

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  4. Hi, found you on the weekend showoff hop and your post struck a nerve because I've been there!
    Every year I get a letter from our public school district that both of my boys are overweight and "at risk" due to the BMI they calculated at school. The first year I was so freaked out I took it to the pediatrician. He laughed at it and told me to pay NO ATTENTION to that calculation at all. Both of my boys were developing appropriately and were extremely healthy. My boys are 16 months apart in age and could not be more different in physical build. My "fat" child with the highest BMI is compact but covered in muscle. My other guy is lankier and longer. Each of them is healthy.
    When it comes to your children, the only person to trust is their doc. If they are active and healthy those numbers mean nothing! Keep in mind, children's bodies are always rapidly changing which makes those numbers even more useless. For the first time this month my youngest son is taller than my oldest and outweighs him by 10 lbs. Go by your maternal instinct and your doctors advice, nothing else!! Enjoy your healthy kids.

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    1. Thank you so much for your post. I can imagine your insecurities about the school letter. Wow, I cannot believe they are actually doing something like that. It must be fairly degrading for them, I cannot imagine that something like that happens to young girls who may be feeling insecure already. I'm just amazed that kids that are completely healthy are labeled as "overweight" without looking at the bigger picture like activity level, eating habits, and most of all: body built.

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  5. Wow, first, congratulations on beating the cycle of purging after eating - not an easy thing to do. I'm so glad for you and your beautiful daughters that you were able to become healthy yourself. Second, AGREE - your daughter is healthy and happy and beautiful just the way she is. People and their body types are SUPPOSED to be unique. I'm glad that you're trusting your inner voice. Good job to you, mama. We had a scare when my son was small as he was over 100% in height and under 20% in weight. You know what? He's totally healthy and active and happy and eats (not well but he's got some food issues). Forget the stupid charts!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kristi! I know that I owe my girls so much, especially my health. How could I have ever raised them healthily without being a good role model. We always thought that Violet would be the one falling off the chart, as she's tall but very small. I am really glad to have such a supportive pediatrician, and I'm glad that I have seen her before checking out the chart. And heck, she's asking for seconds of spinach and cucumber, she's fine! I hope you are getting your boys food issues under control. We have friends whose kids would eat nothing but pasta with parmesan or breakfast food, and they are still healthy. Stupid charts!

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