Wednesday, June 5, 2013

What It Means To Be An Atheist

I've thought about this post for well over a week. I had a quite disappointing and painful experience with someone, who basically told me that I was a bad person because I didn't believe in the Christian god. First I just brushed it off, but soon I noticed that I actually did hurt.

Along the way, I have noticed that there is still a huge lack of knowledge of what it means to be an Atheist in the general population. At a PTA meeting at Lily's school, a mom approached me, asking if we really didn't believe in anything. I loved that she was open-minded and actually asked me this question without prejudice. So I thought that I would compile a little list of what being an Atheist means to me:

Faith:
No, I do not believe in any gods or supernatural beings. I trust in science, and I deeply believe in love and that there is goodness in most people. I believe in family bonds; I believe that life is this crazy thing of lucky and not-so-lucky events, but don't think that they are controlled by anyone.

Values:
Something that almost got me off my chair at said PTA meeting was Lily's teacher saying that it's necessary to teach "Christian values" to the children. But what are those values, I asked. Doing good, I was told; sharing, taking others' feelings into consideration, not hurting each other on purpose, valueing each other. Well, it happens that those are our values, too. And those of Buddhists, and Muslims, and Sikhs, and most religions I know of, which would make them ethical values, necessary to create a functional society. "Christian values" like being god-fearing, doing good in god's name, etc. should be a personal issue, not something that's being taught in school.

Community:
Something I might miss about not being part of a church is the socializing. In Washington, we had a wonderful parent-group of all secular parents. And no, we were not sitting together during our monthly Sunday brunch, talking religion into the dirt. Actually, religion hardly ever came up; we mostly watched out kids play, enjoyed the food and company of other parents, without having religion to be an issue. However, we do not limit our circle of friends to other Atheists; actually, we have always had Christians among our close friends. Most of the time, religion is not an issue; we respect our friends saying grace before a meal, even at our house, since we want them to be comfortable and feel at home. But we can also have respectful religious debates with them, which is wonderful because each side respects the other's standpoint.

Parenting:
We are raising our daughters in a secular environment, but planned on introducing them to the concept of religion once they were of a certain age. Unfortunately, Lily's kindergarten teacher has decided that three was the appropriate age to introduce Christianity to her. We've had a few difficult conversations, trying to explain to her in manner fitting for her age he concept, and I think we've done alright. We have explained to her what a god is, and also had a long conversation about Jesus of Nazareth. One day, we will talk to both of the girls about religion more extensively; our goal is that one day they will be able to make a decision on the matter from their own hearts, and we will support them in their decision.
Apart from the issue of religion, we are raising our girls to be free-thinkers, to be respectful, to be thankful for the things they have and not to be greedy, to be creative, to be able to explore every interest they have, and to be happy.

Holidays and Traditions:
This one has been a tough one for us, not only because of religion but also because we're a culturally blended family. Before we had kids, it didn't really matter to us, but once Lily arrived we thought about how to raise her being aware of both traditions. As of the origin of holidays, we are relating to the old pagan traditions. During the Yule celebration (Christmas), we are focussing on family, being able to be together, appreciating the warmth of our homes in the darkness of the world and finally celebrate the re-birth of light, the winter solstice (which used to be December 25 according to the old Julian calender). Easter, we celebrate spring, the awakening of the nature after winter and the cute animal babies. The girls love it so far. Yes, they get to make their wish lists for Santa, which to us is simply a cute fairy tale; I'm pretty sure that even at their young age they do not totally believe in Santa, but close enough to get them in line with threats of no presents during the time before the holidays.

Radical Atheists:

I don't agree with them in most respects; well, the only thing we do agree on is that there are no gods. Besides that, I think they do a great disservice to all the Atheists out there, just as fanatics and radicals from every corner make whatever they stand for look bad. I don't agree with the opinion that Christians or other religious can never do good just for the sake of doing good, but always act with their salvation in the back of their minds. That would mean that all religious people are not good but only act because of fear of damnation. Even though at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if good was done just because or with an ulterior motif, but I do think that every person, religious or not, can do both good or evil just because.

All in all, I consider myself pretty normal. I do not define myself as being an Atheist, there are way more things to bond over with people than religion. I am hurt if people claim I am a bad person, because I'm not. I am far from perfect, but I try to live my life accepting people as they are and respecting them for who they are. And that is all I ask for in return. I don't ask to agree with me or to tell me I'm right. I know my truth in my heart, as others know theirs. All I want is for my family and me to be happy, and this is what most people are striving for.

If you have any questions about what I think or how I feel on certain issues, please step up and ask, whether it is as a comment or via email. I'll gladly answer about every question.

And at the end of the day, don't forget:

Source

18 comments:

  1. Great post. I've always felt that people should have the right to decide what they believe. And I like that you are explaining this to the kids. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thanks a lot for your comment! If we pressured the kids into following in our foot-steps, it would just be another case of religious oppression; we, however, want them to be free-thinkers, and make their own decisions.

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  2. I just have to tell you how much I love this post! Thank you so much for being honest and forthcoming. I think the problem with most organized religions is that they try to force their beliefs on others.

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    1. Thank you so much for your support, Jen! It's been a few hard days, thinking on that matter, and the post did not come easy. I felt like having to justify myself for something that just feels right in my heart. Unfortunately, it's not only organized religions that try to force their beliefs on others, but also individuals. But I got this post off my back and feel better ;-)

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    2. You should never have to justify your decisions! You do what feels right for you and your family. :)

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    3. Your support means so much to me, Jen! Thank you so much *hugs*

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  3. Ok I want to apologize in advance if my comment is long winded, but this is a subject I often have a lot to say about, not because I am a holy roller or part of a hate group though, so I promise none of it is negative : ) I was raised in both a baptist & a Christian church (divorced parents) and when I was older joined a pentacostal church. Also, my ex husband (and father of my 3 oldest children) is atheist so I feel like I have seen things from both side of the road so to speak, and my only conclusion is that personally I have a problem with any organized religion. I am a spiritual person and I believe in God, love, Karma, and striving to be a good person. However, I am not really religious, and have issues with church (mainly because churches seem so hypocritical) I like you believe that all people have the ability to be good or evil and honestly it has nothing to do with there religion. I have personally known some pretty crappy people and a few we're preachers. I also have a hard time with religion which uses scare tactics to more or less force someone to live a certain way (do this/be this or burn in hell for all eternity) and have issues with people who speak of love and forgiveness also speaking of a vengeful God.... Almost every aspect of organized religion deeply disturbs me. This does not mean that I do not believe in God, miracles, Heaven,etc. I just have incredibly large issues with the whole,religion thing (no matter the religion) my children do go to church every Sunday & Wednesday and I commend you,for being open minded and allowing your children to make their own decision when they are old enough. I feel too many parents push their beliefs down their kids throats and force them to have the same beliefs, and it makes me sick...

    Anyway, enough of that. I do have one question, what do you believe happens at the time of death? I ask truly out of curiosity... This is an amazing post!! Thank you,for sharing it

    Kimbra
    www.mommysrambles.blogspot.com

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    1. Kimbra: Thank you very much for this comment and for sharing your story. I completely agree with your viewpoint on organized religion. Even as an Atheist, I have to say that I like Jesus. Keeping the "son of god"-part aside, his opinions were wonderful. Unfortunately, most of today's large religious organizations do not follow his teachings anymore. And you are right with the vengeful god, the New Testament completely denies that and talks about a loving and forgiving god. Just too many bad things are being done in the name of religion. If Jesus was really the son of god and returned today, darn, would he be pee'd off!!

      Regarding your question: In the moment of death, I think we die. The brain stops sending electrical impulses through our bodies, which results in the heart stopping to beat, the breathing stops, and the entire organism just stops. I don't believe in an afterlife or re-birth. Our life after death is the legacy we leave behind on this earth. The memories others have of us, the physical things we leave, etc. I hope that after my death people, especially our children, will say good things about me from their hearts, then I guess my life was worthwhile.

      Thank you again so much for your imput and openmindedness. It means a lot to me!

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  4. I loved reading this, and agree with many of your points of view. I'm a Catholic- and while I love my church, there are "radicals" or as I like to call them "crazies" who make the religion look bad for the rest of us.
    Personally, I think that if you're a good person, you're doing just fine. I know people have different beliefs- and I'm sure God knows too. I think when we die, he will look at our lives as a whole- seeing that we loved greatly, and were kind and honest people, he's not going to send us to hell.

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    1. Thank you very much for your comment, Julia!

      To be honest, it would not make any sense to condemn people who have put in an honest effort to live a good life. I actually considered Pope Francis' homily in late May a good step in the right direction to find common ground. The more disappointed was I when the Vatican (whoever that may be) rowed back, confirming that Atheists would be damned forever and could not be saved. Not that the threat of damnation would scare me in any way, it just shows their regard of people. Jesus preached love for everyone, but most churches do not live this teaching.

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  5. Wow that was a truly Christian thing for them to say. This makes me angry as a religious person; Fanatical people from either side of the argument trying to put others down because they believe in different things. I do not believe as a religious person that you are a bad person for not believing the same things that I do, nor do I believe anyone, Christian or not should be able to judge you for your beliefs. I am similar to Kimbra and Jen in that I believe that organized religion is a problem. When you get a huge group of people who all believe the same thing, a gang mentality is created, and it just causes problems for outsiders. But organized religion or not, we as Christians are meant to know "Judge not lest ye be judged". This person has failed straight away by judging you when it is not their place. I hope you are able to feel better about this soon, I hate when religion becomes such a catalyst.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I like the picture of a "gang mentality" you mentioned, never saw it as such, but you're right.

      The disappointing thing is, that time and again I, the Atheist, had to preach Jesus' teching of love, respect, and forgiveness to so-called Christians, who spread nothing but hate left and right (mentioning marriage equality, accepting other religions, etc.)

      And yes, I am feeling better already writing about it and receiving such a great response from everyone. Thank you for your concern ;-)

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  6. Amen, sister! ;) I am not sure if I fall more in the Atheist or Agnostic pool, but I agree with many/all of your points. I currently live in a very faithful society (Muslim) and it would be extremely frowned upon to identify as Atheist to most people. Once I left my wallet in a taxi, and the driver returned it to my front door 6 hours later. My host family at the time exclaimed, "Wow, he is a believer!" I remember thinking, Or... he has ethical values, as you refer to them! Still, people here do not pry and are very tolerant and open-minded (... as long as you believe in something). So I just politely bite my tongue ;)

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing, Kim! I'm sometimes not sure either if I am a real Atheist or an Agnostic; I consider myself Atheist because I don't believe in supernatural beings, and I'm pretty sure that there really aren't any, but acknowledge that there is a chance, however small, that I'm wrong.

      Love your story by the way! A friend of mine from college has recently done an internship in Palestine and also lost her wallet. During Obama's visit in town. She managed to get through 2 soldier / police checks without her passport and after looking for it everywhere, asking the cops and soldiers on her way, and filing a police report, a soldier stopped her on her way back to her office to give her back her wallet someone had handed in. With every penny still in. I truly believe that it is a whole different culture of honor in Middle Eastern or Arabic society, I don't know why. But I dare to claim that if she had lost it here, there's a good chance at least the cash would have gone or the person returnig it would have expected a reward.

      It is great that the people are nor prying on you (or each other). Accepting people as they are and not searching for their flaws seems to be a virtue that has been lost in many places..

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  7. I'm sorry I missed this on its original day. I really appreciate your honesty as well as your even handedness. If that many people criticized me, I would likely start making judgments about them as a group. I classify myself as Christian, although our family doesn't currently attend an organized church. But we strive to teach our children pretty much all the things you mentioned above. And any Christian who told you that you are a bad person is not living the life that I was taught Jesus wanted us to live.

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    1. Thank you so much, Melissa! It has happened on more than one occasion that I had to teach so-called Christians on what the bible says on certain issues, it's sad. I have to say, I love the teachings of Jesus, minus the "son of God" part. Most things he said promote a peaceful and loving world, which is something everyone should strive for. Unfortunately, the past shows that his teaching was terribly corrupted, from the Crusades to violent missionaries, to the church amassing wealth while people starve to death. That is nor what Jesus stood for.

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  8. Hi Stephanie,

    Thank you for such a wonderful post. Most of my grown up life, I've struggled with relgion. I was raised catholic and didn't understand why we had to do all sorts of kneeling, standing, repenting, etc. I was baptized Mormon three years ago but again I am struggling. Don't get me wrong, I love the bible and everything associated with it, my frustration is with the organization of religions. Thanks so much for your viewpoint! And thank you for linking up with us @ My Favorite Posts SHOW OFF Weekend Blog Party :)

    Jessica
    The Wondering Brain

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Jessica! The last time I was in church, I attended the funeral of a young husband and father of three, who had died after a few months of fighting a horrible battle with cancer. And all they were doing was calling him a sinner and so on. It made me mad, I wanted to get up and tell the priest to shut it and explain to him what an amazing man Ed was. Didn't do it, didn't want to blow the ceremony for his family... I agree with your view on organized religion. It's not what Jesus wanted, I'm sure!

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