When I got the notification with this week's FTSF-prompt in my inbox, I immediately knew what I was going to
I never understood what the big deal was about...
... having a boy.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against boys, and we'd be happy should Baby P. turn out to be a boy, but I am seriously, SERIOUSLY annoyed with everyone wishing for us to FINALLY having a boy. It has started as soon as I peed these two blue lines on a stick almost 7 years ago. My mother-in-law was convinced we'd be having a boy, and way too many people around us were waiting for the "heir". Well, obviously enough, we've entered a little pink world, and instantly, people felt they had to "console" us, or encourage us that there might still be a boy in our future while we were both just perfectly happy with our little girl.
Two years later, we welcomed yet another girl into our family, and the sympathy grew. I remember an elderly neighbor patting my arm, telling me that nothing was lost yet and she, too, had two girls first before having two boys. In the meantime, we didn't miss a thing and just enjoyed our lives with two so different but wonderful daughters.
Fast forward another 4 years, when we surprised friends and family with yet another pregnancy. And instantly, people assumed that we were "trying" for a boy, hoping with us that we would finally have a son. And I am actually really, really upset about that reaction, about how people must perceive us, or what they must think of a family with only daughters. We did not conceive this child hoping for a son. We went on this journey to complete our family with a third child, no matter the gender. All we hope for is a healthy child, whether it's a boy or a girl who's going to join us in August. I honestly almost hope for another girl, just to shut up these mean voices forever, because quite honestly, I am truly sick and tired of them. I am a proud and happy mom of two little girls now, and should we be lucky enough to have another healthy little girl, I'm going to be just as happy and not miss a thing!
By the way: if baby cooperates, we'll find out if we'll be having a girl or a boy this coming Monday, our 8th wedding anniversary. Come visit my pregnancy blog A Third Baby Carriage and participate in the poll :-)
I don't understand why people feel the need to say and do things like this. All that matter is that the baby is happy and healthy regardless of gender.
ReplyDeleteExactly, Jen! I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything right now, and no matter if baby will be a girl or a boy, I know I won't ever be missing anything. Hope you have a great weekend, dear friend!
DeleteI can totally relate to this and heard it all the time during my second pregnancy and like you i was happy having my two girls. Nothing against boys here either, but my girls are it for me, too. And yay to finding out and hope you will indeed share with us :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm totally going to share!! Couldn't keep something like that to myself :-) I got the compliment from a colleague once when I was talking about having another baby that I wasn't talking about having a boy but was looking forward to having a third child. How could I ever dismiss one of our children for their gender? How superficial is that?? Hope you have a great weekend, Janine. Girl's mommies unite :-)
DeleteI don't get this either. When my aunt found out I was having a boy, she said "good!" what's that supposed to mean? Is a girl inadequate? What did she say when her brother (my dad) told her he was having a girl (me) ?
ReplyDeleteYou probably don't want to know with people like that. My one grandmother was totally put off when my sister was born, since a second child was unnecessary, and since it was another girl, she was totally worthless in her eyes. The really weird thing was that years later she approached my mom, telling her that if one could be sure that it'd be a boy then she could have a third. How stupid!!! First, my parents didn't plan on a third child, and then they are just like us, gender doesn't matter, we all just hope for a healthy baby. My M-I-L, who was so sure that Lily would be a boy didn't talk to me for months after she was born and still calls Lily a trouble-maker even though she doesn't know her a bit. Stupid, short-sighted people!
DeleteI know exactly what you mean! We had a daughter first, and then a son, and people kept saying things like, "well, you're all done having babies because you have one of each!"
ReplyDeleteI heard that from a friend of mine as well. Why do people always think that other people's families are their business? We're done having children when we feel we're done, not when people tell us to! Thank you so much for stopping by!
DeleteI think people assume that men want a son to carry on their legacy just as women want girls. Life is so different than it was in the past that the opportunities are almost the same for boys and girls. What a fabulous anniversary gift...congratulations!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Jennifer! I actually never heard of people getting sympathy for not having a girl. Hubby is just so happy with his daughters already, especially since he gets to share is biggest hobbies, music, with our older daughter. All we hope for to find out on Monday is the news that everything looks fine with the baby, finding our the gender would just be the cherry on top, and we'll be happy no matter what we're being told :-)
DeleteHonestly, people who do that kind of nonsense make me furious. And it's not just about gender. We have heard "when are you having another" for nearly six years now. Is it wrong that it gives me a tiny bit of pleasure to say "we aren't - we can't" and shut them up??? And when we were newly married we got sympathetic stares because people thought we were "trying" for a baby but not succeeding. No...just wanted to be married and "us" for a few years. Honestly, people are so nosy.
ReplyDeleteI loved this, Stephanie! Hope you are feeling well.
Thanks so much, Lisa! Oh, I remember visiting hubby's family over the holidays the first year we were married. We've only known each other for a little over a year (we had a shot-gun wedding after not quite 5 months of dating, but that's a different story) and everyone was asking me with a wink what our projects for the next year were. My response: Well, I'm going to start college again in January. Most people didn't feel the need to spend much more time talking to me "career-hungry hag". Everyone's family should be their own business, and I love the way you shut those overly-nosy people up. You have a beautiful family, and every right to be happy with your loved ones. I hope you have a great weekend, Lisa!
DeleteI am child-free by choice, swore to the moon and back I never wanted kids (I don't want bio kids) BUT if I ever changed my mind I would adopt a boy. I never, EVER, EVER wanted girls. I get it.
ReplyDeleteBUT THEN I married a man with three daughters. Famous.Last.Words. The universe is laughing at me.
Now I get it doesn't matter. Love for a child is love. Period.
And everyone else with an opinion should just shut the heck up.
How ironic indeed, Heather. But I couldn't agree more. I never thought I'd be a "girl's mom", hating pink and everything, and then had our little Lily. Now it's weird imagining not having girls any more, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter as I love my children not for their gender but for who they are. Enjoy your three girls :-)
DeleteIt works the other way, too. People see me walking around with my boys, and they are aghast. They are actually genuinely happy for me when they find out I was given a girl. I get it. It is nice to have both genders for a variety of reasons. However, it's most certainly not what matters most to us. Although, I do know it matters to some.
ReplyDeleteReally? You are the first one telling me that people feel sorry for them having so many boys :-) It really doesn't matter to us either way, but it really bothers me that people automatically are convinced that we're taking a last shot at having a boy, which is totally not true. We're certainly not that superficial!
DeleteI think people just have opinions and feel the need to say something - anything. Because we get the opposite. Our older two are boys and we would get tons of comments about the trials boys put you through. Now we have a daughter too, so those comments stopped. Now I just get comments about how hard things must be for me. And that's fine, I don't mind the sympathy. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI just hated the entire "you must be hoping for a boy", or "your husband must be eager for an heir", etc. I don't think that hubby's last name is threatened by extinction, so I wished people just got over their need to offer useless comments. I hope to milk that sympathy as much as you can :-)
DeleteWow! That's a pretty archaic attitude for people to have! What happened to being thrilled at any healthy addition to a family? But I do think it works both ways....if you had all boys there would be wishes for a girl!
ReplyDeleteI actually almost jumped at my grandma's throat a few weeks ago when she told me to take care of myself, especially NOW that I'm expecting a BOY.. As if I'd take less care of myself if we'd be having another girl. Just absolutely sick and tired about that topic. Maybe I just need to relax and let people think or say what they want, but I somehow feel as if the girls are being pushed into an inferior role by that, and I will never, EVER allow anyone to put our girls below their brother. Thanks so much for your opinion and encouragement, Sandy!
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