Thursday, June 13, 2013

Lily's Caterpillar

Last week, Lily and Violet were invited for a friend's birthday party at a local playground. Everyone had a lot of fun running around, playing, and enjoying the wonderful spread and ice cream that was delivered from the most famous local ice cream parlor. Towards the end of the party, one of the dads there found a tiny little caterpillar. I expected the girls to be grossed out, but they were watching it so intently. Lily was actually so excited about it that she decided to take it home in a paper cup, laced with some fresh leaves. She planned to feed it and watch it cocoon and eventually turn into a beautiful butterfly.


Lily and her caterpillar
On the way back to our car, I was a little behind with Violet, Lily suddenly started to cry. Somewhere between the playground, she must have turned over the cup and lost the caterpillar.


She was so inconsolable about it, worrying for her caterpillar being trampled on the street by someone. I promised her that someone surely would find it, pick it up and place it in one of the many flower boxes that cover the town. I told her that it will be quite happy there, and soon would turn into a beautiful butterfly.


It made her feel better, thinking about the caterpillar going on to become a butterfly; I, however, felt a little guilty about lying to her. I am not at all sure that someone would put it in a flower box. Most likely it will be trampled or die on the street, but I definitely did not want to tell her that.

Early on, Richard and I decided that we don’t want to lie to our kids. On some matters, like Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, we’ll leave it up to them to believe whatever they want. Yes, I admit, we do use Santa as some sort of pressure keeping them in line the weeks before the holidays, but I am actually pretty sure that at least Lily does not fully believe in it. Heck, she’s seen me walk in the door with bags full of stuff the weeks before the holidays, and she’s a smart girl, she has figured it out, but still loves to put out cookies and milk for Santa. But in general, we refuse to lie to them. They know about the world, they know about life and death. They know where babies come from, as far as they have asked. We don’t believe in making them believe in a world that does not exist. However, I simply could not bring myself to tell her the truth about the caterpillar. Yes, there is a chance someone actually put it in a flower box, or that she has actually lost it on a patch of green, but that’s a fairly small chance. I don’t think the caterpillar made it, but it consoled her believing it did.

How do you raise your kids in this world, which is doubtless cruel at times? Do you agree with white lies or prefer the truth at all times? I am confused about it sometimes, especially since a friend of mine, who does not have kids, told me at some point that she thinks I’m ruining our girls’ childhood. I don’t think I do, they are happy, feisty, energetic little girls, who would definitely let me know if I was ruining something for them. Mostly, we feel fairly confident in the style we’re raising the girls, but I’m always open for new ways.

7 comments:

  1. I think you did the right thing, I agree about not lying to your kids but things like that I think is ok.

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    1. Thanks, Jen! It felt like the right thing to say at the moment, even though I had a little pang of guilt. But I'd rather make her feel better with a little lie than break her little heart in the name of truth..

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  2. This is hard. I completely agree with you about wanting to not lie to my kids. Growing up I "played" Santa and the Easter Bunny but never believed in them. That's what I want for my kids too. The "real world" stuff about evil is much harder. Being a Christian, I do have ways of explaining it that fit in with my faith but, even so, it's still hard!

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    1. I agree. Somehow, I still want to protect them from the cruelties of this world, but don't want to lie at them, either. It's going to be a balancing act I suppose...

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  3. Well, I haven't had to tread this line just yet, since our girls are still a little too young, but...I'm not sure. I don't want to let them know too much "real life" when they're still young. They have so many years to find out how hard and sometimes cruel life can be. I think your caterpillar answer was good because it not only let her think there was a chance for life to go on, but it also implied that there are other good people in the world who will take care of the small things in life. The joys of parenting.

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    1. Thank you for your imput, Melissa! I think you're right with your opinion on letting the kids know that there is always a chance for a good outcome and also to believe in the good in other people. We don't want them to grow up in a bubble, believing that the world is all candy cotton pink, but there is no need to confront them with the cruelty of survive or die that early on. I agree, they will have to find out early enough, and it will be heartbreaking to watch.

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