Of Time And Children

I noticed that time passes different since having children. The time around the holidays and birthdays becomes more special, we see time passing day by day, watching the kids grow, learn, and turn from babies to toddlers to little girls.

I remember Lily outgrowing her first newborn outfits. I did not want to accept the fact. She was wearing her newborn suits probably a week or two after outgrowing them, just because I was simply not ready to acknowledge that she has already grown so much, and will continue to grow for the next 12 to 15 years.

She continued to grow, and at some point, I did not notice the change from 12 months clothes to size 18 months or even 2T. Then it was time to unpack all the newborn outfits as we prepared to welcome another little girl into our family. And I was looking at my little Lily, not being able to believe how much she has grown, and that she had ever fit in those teeny-tiny onesies; she was still my little girl after all! This changed after Violet joined us. Seeing Lily with her little sister was undisputable proof on how time has gone by. And it did not slow down. Before I knew it, Lily started kindergarten, and in just a few weeks, she’s going to start her pre-school year in kindergarten, and darn is she excited about it.

My tiny baby, Violet, is attending kindergarten now as well; she’s making friends by herself, and tells me about her daily adventures (which are mostly “I played with my friend Katharina in the play kitchen” and “I fell during play time in the yard and hurt myself”). I don’t know why, but it is much harder letting go of the baby with Violet than it was with Lily. Maybe because Lily has always been the independent free-spirit, maybe because she became a big sister at only 26 months, maybe because she’s my strong-willed girl who puts people in their place if they overstep her boundaries. Violet is even at age 3 still my skinny little snuggle-bug, who loves to cuddle under the blanket with her nucki, her two bunnies, and preferably me.

But while time flies most of the time, there are days I wished would end preferably right after breakfast. Those rainy days where there’s nothing to do, the kids and I are feeling the cabin-fever, and I’m pretty sure we all know that this day would be awful. The girls are arguing and trashing the house. If Violet’s not arguing, she’s attached to my leg so I have shake her off to get to the bathroom, and there’s no chance of nap-time whatsoever. But even those weird days usually end sooner or later, and once I’m reading a good-night story to Lily and get to cuddle her to sleep, I wished that the time would just stand still – if only for a little while.

Time itself has also become more precious. I try to live my life more in the presence, don’t obsess too much about the past and don’t worry too much for the future (still working on that!). I love the moments when Violet comes in my bed to cuddle in the morning or Lily runs me over and hugs me when I step in the door after work at night. There are mornings where I get to enjoy my morning coffee and read a magazine while the girls play in their rooms. I enjoy being able to sit on the porch with a glass of wine at night or have a movie date on the couch with the hubbie. Those moments are much too precious to waste with regrets and worries.

And as I sit, watching time pass by, I sometimes wish for a split second that it could be April or May of 2010 again, those few weeks I still treasure so much, with a 2-year old and a newborn, all four of us spending our days together, enjoying little outings, and catching our breath before the storm of giving up our lives in the States to move over the big pond and start our adventure of living in Germany.

Is there a time in your life you wish you could re-live over and over again?