Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Guest Post By Melissa At Home On Deranged - Zombie Apocalypse

H everyone! After yesterday's summer party tips, the party continues with a party of a different type. Zombie Apocalypse, anyone? I was SO excited when I saw what Melissa, who blogs over at Home On Deranged, had whipped up for that secret little nerd that's me:

Home on Deranged

Five people for a zombie apocalypse, including my kid

As I was pondering over what to write for my guest post on the Life, Unexpectedly blog, I started ruminating over exactly what has been unexpected in my life. My husband and kids, of course, but other things like hurricanes and tornados, crying over a car, happiness in buying a home, etc.
 
But that seemed really boring. So I let my mind wander. And I thought, perhaps one of the most unexpected events I could endure would be a real, honest-to-goodness zombie apocalypse. And naturally, I had to make a list of the people I’d want in my survival tribe.
 
  1. Aron Ralston, the guy who amputated his own hand to free himself from a dislodged boulder.
What he brings to the tribe: Um…did you see the part about amputating his own arm?
Survival possibility 1/10: I’d give him a solid 7, which increases the tribe’s overall odds when navigating the outdoors.

  1. Bear Grylls, also known as Born Survivor, and host of Man vs. Wild on Discovery and some other shows.
What he brings to the tribe: Apparently, this guy can survive anything that Mother Nature has to offer, so I’m guessing that he could give advance warning if the zombies are sneaking up on our camp.
Survival possibility: Oh, I’d say he’s a strong 9. After all, one of his shows is called, “Get Out Alive.”

  1. Will Ferrell, actor and comedian, movies and TV, plus his Funny or Die website.
What he brings to the tribe: They say laughter is the best way to ease stress and tension in any scenario, so I’d guess that he’d be able to crack off a few jokes during a break from running away from zombies.
Survival possibility: Sad to say, but 5 or less. After all, he’s a comedian, not a trained sharpshooter or a master of hand-to-hand combat. That I know about.

  1. Anthony Bourdain, hosts No Reservations on the Travel Channel and has written Kitchen Confidential.
What he brings to the tribe: I don’t think he can cook, per se, but he can notice what is edible and what isn’t, and he can totally speak to the “locals” in case we need some negotiation to take place.
Survival possibility: He’d definitely be a 7 or 8. Mostly because he comes across as a real bad-ass, and you’re going to need confident people working with you.

  1. Annie, our 2½ year old. I’ve said before that I think Annie could figure out how to survive in our home if we weren’t here.
What she brings to the tribe: She is small, so she could inspect small spaces for us; she’s fast, so she could run ahead to warn others and/or escape one of those zombie packs that seem to wander around a lot; she’s creative with her decisions, which we’d likely need as the zombie horde approaches; she’s super cute, which would inspire me to keep working to stay alive against the zombie barrage.
Survival possibility: As her unbiased mother, I’d say that kid is a 7 or 8, if only because she can hear a pin drop from a mile away.
 
Am I a believer in the zombie apocalypse? I believe someone out there is working on something ridiculous that could wipe us all out. Luckily, I’ve got a great tribe to wander with me.
 
(Source)
About the Author
After a career as a newspaper reporter, Melissa Swedoski thought she was well informed on the chaos of everyday life. Now, “mumbling through the mayhem of marriage and motherhood,” she is a SAHM to two toddler girls, and is turning her investigative eye on the mishaps and misadventures of parenting and the marathon that is marriage, always with the emphasis on humor and love. You can find her at Home on Deranged or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

28 comments:

  1. Have you seen that show Naked and Afraid? They drop two people naked in some remote area and they have to survive. They rate them on their survival skills, mental capacity, and strength. This tribe talk made me think of that. :)

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    1. Have not seen that show, but I have been naked and afraid. That sounds too intense for me to do, so I'll definitely have to watch it and critique the contestants. :)

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    2. My friend was just talking about that show last week. It sounds almost too crazy for me (even if it were scripted/staged, which it supposedly isn't), but I may have to give a watch and see...

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    3. Leaning toward your "too crazy for me" theory, lol.

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  2. I hope this never does happen, but if it has to I love your tribe of survival. And the last I think is the absolute best for sure!! :)

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    1. It's just best to be prepared, right? Cuz if it does happen, I'm thinking I won't be prepared in the least, lol.

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  3. hahaha this is great. Solid reasoning behind these choices!

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    1. Why thank you! I'd hate to think my tribe was weak. Unless I need to make some human sacrifices to survive. :)

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  4. Fabulous. I would definitely bring Will Ferrell, too! But instead of your daughter, I'd bring my husband. He can truly solve any problem.

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    1. My husband asked why I didn't include him on this list. It's because he would get too distracted and wouldn't pay attention to the zombies approaching. He's like that. He suggested I just get four big rednecks. :)

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  5. Sorry, you lost me with Anthony Bourdain. I would be too afraid he would make me some goat testicles

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  6. I would have to add Cody Lundin from Dual Survival! But yes, Bear!!! :) :) :)

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    1. Ah, yes, that is a good one. Lots more input is always for the best.

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  7. Bear Grylls is AWESOME! Love your list :D (you completely nutty thing!)

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    1. Why thank you! I feel it's best to be prepared, so might as well get the cream of the crop, right??

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  9. Anthony Bourdain! Brilliant. Not surprisingly, my five people would include Bill Murray and after seeing "Zombieland", I realize other people feel that way about him too.

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    1. I started to put Bill Murray, especially since he now has experience in looking like a zombie and being able to fit in, but then I thought, what if that's all he brings to the table? I wouldn't want him to be the first one eaten. :)

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  10. Thanks so much, Stephanie, for opening up a little real estate for me to hang out. Did you know this post got included on a boringDEAD roundup? For real! Check it out here: http://paper.li/SciFiGuyNJ/1330917860

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    1. Wow, this is SO exciting!!! Thanks for putting the article out there, Melissa!!!

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  11. ACK this is a great post. I wracked my brain about what the heck to write lol

    I think Anthony Bourdain is the key. He would try brains and attempt to find the appeal the zombies are so driven for. From there it is possible he could find a way to bridge understanding between the live and undead.

    Though, it would have been best to have Chef Ramsay so he could cook brains. If able to cook them, maybe you could just open shop. A Diner perhaps... If not, and worse comes to worse and your whole team is wiped out, he still could cook some mean brain!

    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of Ink

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    1. Lol. Way more logical than I was in my selection. In the future I will make sure to swap Bourdain for Ramsay. Plus, Ramsay likes to make people cry, and that could come in handy.

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  12. Your tribe sounds awesome. But I think you rated Will Ferrell too low - he's a big guy, and throwing him to the zombies would distract them long enough to get away, and fill them up for awhile. (Do zombies eat people? I'm more of a vampire gal.)

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    1. You are sooo right. I didn't even think about the size advantage he could bring to the table. Not that I would purposely fatten him up or anything.

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    2. When I read "Will Ferrell", I also thought more along the line of "canon fodder" for the zombies, if needed, because I don't think he's too funny, at least not after a while ;-)

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