"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves"
His Holiness, The 14th Dalai Lama
There are so many things the Dalai Lama says that speak right to my heart. There is a book, The Art of Happiness, written by an American psychologist based on several lectures by and personal interviews with the Dalai Lama. I read this book about once a year, to ground me, to re-focus on what is important.
So why did I chose exactly this quote? I am not at peace with myself, I know that, and it's probably my greatest struggle right now. I feel constantly judged by people on the outside; to be honest, I don't just feel jusged, I am being judged. And it hurts me, because in their eyes I always come out lacking. But I also know that no matter what I do, I will never be deserving in their eyes; in order to be accepted, I would have to completely deny myself, which I am neither able nor willing to do. Nevertheless, I am still struggling to rise in their estimation, to obtain their respect, and make them like me; I waste energy, time, thoughts, worries, and tears on them, none of which they deserve. It was decided early on after they met me that I would be the stone in their shoes and ever since they let me feel my position. It hurts, but I know that I have to focus on what is important. I have to let go of my attempts to please people I will never be able to please and put that energy towards my family and friends, and on working on my own issues. I know that one day, I will be at peace with the outer world, because once I am at peace with myself, they won't matter any more, and I will be at peace with the outer world as well.