Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Breathe...

Jenni's Blog Every Day In May challenge tells me to hand out a piece of advice.

Well, the advice I meditate over the most in the last months and maybe even years is: Change what you can, accept what you can't.

I am a control freak. I only feel safe when I feel in control. All my life I have been in a safe place, everything was laid out for me months in advance. By the time I graduated high school, I already had my acceptance for college while many of my class mates were still wondering what to do and just starting to apply to universities. Several weeks before class started, I had signed the lease for my apartment. Well, the first time this changed was, when I met Richard and we were making plans to get married. We were not able to set a date because we had no idea when his paperwork would arrive from the States. To be honest, I'm surprised to this date that he actually followed through marrying me, taking all the tantrums I threw into consideration. Well, it is common knowledge that we did get married at the end.

Uncertainties followed regarding the visa; until a couple of days before his departure it was not sure whether I would be able to go with him or if we had to separate for a few weeks until my visa was done. Tantrum-time! The few months leading up to becoming pregnant with Lily.. I put my poor husband through a lot of stress, I freely admit. His getting out of the Army, our move to Washington State without a job or any other real prospects with a little baby. Becoming pregnant unplanned when I couldn't imagine it the least to expand the family. Giving up our lives and moving to Germany, again without any jobs with a toddler and a newborn baby. And now, the house, our current bane.

During the last 7 years I have learned the importance of this advice. There is no benefit in panicking and wasting energy on things that are beyond my power to control. Yes, it still bothers me and sends me into the occasional panic attack, but I am getting better. I have ayquired skills to ground me if panic is sweeping me away, mostly breathing techniques and meditation, and focusing on things I am indeed able to control.

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8 comments:

  1. Love this. I'm quite like you and have a hard time accepting that I can't control everything. My biggest lesson was the hubs's career change which brought us to Cleveland. We knew NO ONE but it's worked out so I just need to trust! :)

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    1. Thank you for visiting, Sarah! I think I have problems with instability because I have been brought up in a very secure environment. I've never moved and my mom was extremely protective. I am coping better the more often I am exposed to situations I cannot control, but it still makes me extremely uncomfortable.

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  2. I'm the same way when it comes to control...I've had to let go some over the years.

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    1. It sure is a challenge but I feel as if I'm getting better at it each time ;-)

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  3. Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting on my breast feeding post. I need this advise because I am the same way, and I have a tendency to have "tantrums" (shouldn't surprise me why my 18 month old has so many), and my husband is very tolerant. I don't like things to be unplanned and get anxious if things don't go as planned. Thanks for sharing this. Now following on Bloglovin'
    ~Jackie @ The Non-Martha Momma

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    1. My pleasure, Jackie, and thank you for visiting back. The issue "nursing" can be such a sensitive one, at least for me, and I'm always happy to read about it.

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  4. This is great advice. Just a simple word that can make a huge difference. I am seriously Type A and like to be in control all the time, having everything planned...even trips to the grocery store! I've been trying the laid-back approach but sometimes I run around like my head's been cut off.

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    1. I think that I am spontaneous in a way, visiting people, a spontaneous trip to IKEA, etc. But when it gets to important personal matters or even financial matters, it can cause me sleepless nights and more..

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